Welcome to the Scholomance

Flowerland Session #2 coming up, but I also told my friend I’d run a Magic Academy Gone Wrong one-shot for her online. Started as “Lord of the Flies set in Hogwarts”, but morphed into this:


Centuries ago, a forgotten mystic founded the Scholomance, a college built to train fledgling witches and sorcerers, lest solitude and caprice drive them to make mischief out of magic. It flourished over the years, attracting the best and most ambitious magi, but its final headmaster, the Wizard Loshe, trafficked with what mortals ought not and invited a spirit of foul knowledge and dark power into his mind. It subjugated his will, seized his body, and began remaking the school in its own wicked image. His former friends and colleagues fled, taking their students with them, and sealed the Scholomance away behind wards and walls and unaging guardians. But all did not escape. You did not escape. An abandoned student of the Scholomance, you are trapped in the castle with a mad wizard, his lieutenants, a few wily faculty, and your own desperate fellows. 

But you have a chance. When the professors left, the Scholomance awakened. The Founder imparted it with a keen intelligence and power over the castle’s servitors and mechanisms. It retains its full power and purpose only in the Tower of Repose, which houses Scholomance’s dormitories, bathrooms, and storerooms. Here, it can shield the remaining students from the predations of Headmaster Loshe and the demon coiled tight around his heart. In other wings, it is weakened, slumbering, or insane.

Character generation is the same as Flowerland, only backgrounds indicate who your parent(s) are, there is no need for a Sorcery or Shamanism skill, and you get equipment by rolling d6 three times on the following table.

All characters begin with 1 white button down shirt, 1 pair of black slacks, 1 black robe, 1 wand (required for magic), and 6 of the following.

You deal d6 damage unarmed, d6+3 damage with a weapon, 2d6 damage with a particularly appropriate weapon (using a hammer against a skeleton, for example). Each piece of armor reduces damage taken by 1, but you can’t stack pieces of the same kind on top of each other (so you can’t wear two helmets at once).

1-1-1: Spell: Summon Salamander
1-1-2: Spell: Summon Sylph
1-1-3: Spell: Summon Undine
1-1-4: Spell: Summon Gnome
1-1-5: Spell: Summon Phantom
1-1-6: Spell: Bind Spirit
1-2-1: Spell: Unlock
1-2-2: Spell: Lock
1-2-3: Spell: Repair
1-2-4: Spell: Sabotage
1-2-5: Spell: Assemble
1-2-6: Spell: Deconstruct
1-3-2: Spell: Diminution
1-3-3: Spell: Beasting
1-3-4: Spell: Glamor
1-3-5: Spell: Hex
1-3-6: Spell: Obfuscate
1-4-1: Spell: Obliviate
1-4-1: Spell: Illuminate
1-4-2: Spell: Ignite
1-4-3: Spell: Flourish
1-4-4: Spell: Gust
1-4-5: Spell: Rain
1-4-6: Spell: Spark
1-5-1: Spell: Darken
1-5-2: Spell: Snuff
1-5-3: Spell: Freeze
1-5-4: Spell: Vacuum
1-5-5: Spell: Fog
1-5-6: Spell: Magnetize
1-6-1: Spell: Push
1-6-2: Spell: Pull
1-6-3: Spell: Ascension
1-6-4: Spell: Gravitation
1-6-5: Spell: Barrier
1-6-6: Spell: Manipulate
2-1-1: Weapon: Pitchfork
2-1-2: Weapon: Shepherd’s crook
2-1-3: Weapon: Scythe
2-1-4: Weapon: Sickle
2-1-5: Weapon: Hatchet
2-1-6: Weapon: Mallet
2-2-1: Weapon: Chef’s knife
2-2-2: Weapon: Cleaver
2-2-3: Weapon: Straight razor
2-2-4: Weapon: Table leg with bent nail
2-2-5: Weapon: Broom (sharpened handle)
2-2-6: Weapon: Cane
2-3-1: Weapon: Fencing foil
2-3-2: Weapon: Oar
2-3-3: Weapon: Bat
2-3-4: Ranged Weapon: Lawn darts (12)
2-3-5: Ranged Weapon: Bow and arrows (12)
2-3-6: Weapon: Anchor
2-4-1: Weapon: Decorative sword
2-4-2: Weapon: Serving fork
2-4-3: Weapon: Brazier
2-4-4: Weapon: Curtain rod
2-4-5: Weapon: Poker
2-4-6: Weapon: Roasting spit
2-5-1: Ranged Weapon: Tomahawk
2-5-2: Ranged Weapon: Boomerang
2-5-3: Ranged Weapon: Blowgun (12 darts)
2-5-4: Ranged Weapon: Blunderbuss
2-5-5: Weapon: katana
2-5-6: Weapon: Military saber
2-6-1: Pack of cigarettes
2-6-2: Pack of Goetia trading cards
2-6-3: Bottle caps (100)
2-6-4: Box of snack cakes
2-6-5: Pornographic chapbook
2-6-6: Hall pass
3-1-1: Armor: Pot with eyeholes
3-1-2: Armor: Mascot head
3-1-3: Armor: Rugby helmet
3-1-4: Armor: Hockey mask
3-1-5: Armor: Antique helm
3-1-6: Armor: Large skull
3-2-1: Armor: Hammered tin breastplate
3-2-2: Armor: Shin guards
3-2-3: Armor: Heavy poncho
3-2-4: Armor: Shoulder pads
3-2-5: Armor: Fencing jacket
3-2-6: Armor: Parka
3-3-1: Armor: Antique gauntlets
3-3-2: Armor: Plywood Shield
3-3-3: Armor: Platter Shield
3-3-4: Armor: Work gloves
3-3-5: Armor: Boxing gloves
3-3-6: Armor: Garbage lid shield
3-4-1: High heels
3-4-2: Red silk robe
3-4-3: Ragged black scarf
3-4-4: Tuxedo
3-4-5: Evening gown
3-4-6: Furs
3-5-1: DIY tattoo kit
3-5-2: DIY piercing kit
3-5-3: Makeup kit
3-5-4: Pomade
3-5-5: Hair dye
3-5-6: Cat ear headband
3-6-1: Switchblade
3-6-2: Brass knuckles
3-6-3: Bag of rocks
3-6-4: Shiv
3-6-5: Bicycle chain
3-6-6: Slingshot
4-1-1: Cat
4-1-2: Dog
4-1-3: Crow
4-1-4: Serpent
4-1-5: Bat
4-1-6: Weasel
4-2-1: Spyglass
4-2-2: Magnifying glass
4-2-3: Rope, 50’
4-2-4: Bear trap
4-2-5: Compact mirror
4-2-6: Rucksack
4-3-1: Straw hat
4-3-2: Heavy cloak
4-3-3: Umbrella
4-3-4: Tent
4-3-5: Sleeping bag
4-3-6: Box of matches
4-4-1: Wound kit
4-4-2: Curse kit
4-4-3: Vermifuge kit
4-4-4: Fever kit
4-4-5: Cough kit
4-4-6: Venom Kit
4-5-1: Phylactery (full)
4-5-2: Phylactery (empty)
4-5-3: Bottled rest
4-5-4: Bottled dream
4-5-5: Silver hoop
4-5-6: Red paint
4-6-1: Homunculus
4-6-2: Dog skeleton
4-6-3: Chalk
4-6-4: Vial of blood
4-6-5: Vial of blessed water
4-6-6: Sticks of incense (6)
5-1-1: Pouch of golden lotus powder
5-1-2: Bottle of laudanum
5-1-3: Bottle of wine
5-1-4: Bottle of fine liquor
5-1-5: Bottle of loathsome liquor
5-1-6: Bottle of cough syrup
5-2-1: Keg of gunpowder
5-2-2: Magnesium flares (3)
5-2-3: Firecrackers (6)
5-2-4: box of matches
5-2-5: flask of kerosene
5-2-6: Candles (12)
5-3-1: String of garlic
5-3-2: Blue glass eye
5-3-3: jar of salt
5-3-4: wooden stakes (24)
5-3-5: Weapon: silver-plated knife
5-3-6: Silver bell
5-4-1: Goggles
5-4-2: Armor: Leather apron
5-4-3: box of glass eyes
5-4-4: Box of pins
5-4-5: Jar of formaldehyde
5-4-6: Mannequin
5-5-1: Atlas of the Scholomance
5-5-2: Location of 1 secret passage
5-5-3: Demonological treatise
5-5-4: Botanical treatise
5-5-5: Bestiary
5-5-6: Necrology
5-6-1: Flute
5-6-2: Violin
5-6-3: Harp
5-6-4: Pound of clay
5-6-5: watercolors
5-6-6: hammer and chisel
6-1-1: compass
6-1-2: pound of lard
6-1-3: sack of marbles
6-1-4: Copper wire, 20’
6-1-5: dark glasses
6-1-6: camera
6-2-1: tin of fish
6-2-2: name of lesser demon
6-2-3: bicycle
6-2-4: roller skates
6-2-5: pot of glue
6-2-6: bolt cutters
6-3-1: manacles
6-3-2: flask of acid
6-3-3: padlock and key
6-3-4: notebook and pen
6-3-5: goldfish in bow
6-3-6: needle and thread
6-4-1: bushel of apples
6-4-2: human skull
6-4-3: diamond ring
6-4-4: pearl necklace
6-4-5: Sublimated Darkness
6-4-6: Hardened Flame
6-5-1: Clarified water
6-5-2: Rare Earth
6-5-3: Reified Aether
6-5-4: Immortal Blood
6-5-5: Chloroplasm
6-5-6: sack of sandwiches
6-6-1: Malodorous cheese
6-6-2: choice cut of meat
6-6-3: Dead chicken
6-6-4: itching powder
6-6-5: stink bomb
6-6-6: whoopee cushion

Some common enemies/creatures/allies/victims:
  • Baglings: monsters of cloth and ivory Wizard Loshe stitches together with magic and spider silk. 
  • The Servants: shadow-fleshed dogmen with tools for hands that maintain the castle at night. In places where the Scholomance is asleep or damaged, they attack or act erratically.
  • Bocklin: goat people that populated a village that was sealed away with the rest of the Scholomance. Loshe likes to tangle cursed thread in their horns to compel their obedience.
  • Sophia’s Eidolons: Sophia, the Prime Warlock of the Summoning School, could not escape the Scholomance in time. She has taken up residence in the Library Wing and defends herself from Loshe and his servants with a combination of summoned servants and the forbidden magic contained in the deepest reaches of the Library. Unfortunately, she is stretched a bit thin, so she doesn’t have enough control over her eidolons to keep them from attacking innocents, too. 
  • Gyges: a vampire and former Headmaster freed from his prison in the Crypts by Wizard Loshe. He is thoroughly evil and has animated most of the interred, but he has no interest in the Scholomance anymore and loathes Loshe for placing him in servitude. 
  • Dame Balustrade and the Inquisition: a group of knights who claim to have entered the Scholomance by means of divine intervention. They hate magic and all its practitioners, and though the seek to kill the Wizard Loshe for his black magic, they wouldn’t mind snagging a few students along the way. 


This draws on: Harry Potter, Seclusium of Orphone, Paolo Greco’s Mysteries and Mystagogues, Scrap Princess’ post post apocalypse 

Flowerland Session 1 Play Report

THE PARTY
Washed-out boxer Barnaby Barrachus
Witch sidekick Agatha
Golden lotus addict/sharpshooter Trimalchio Sterne
His washed-up opera diva companion Violetta

In the Iron Conch Inn, a tired establishment of ill repute on the west edge of Houndport, the party approached Geoffrey, a shady gentleman who deals in “sundry goods”. His business partner out in the swamp had failed to send a shipment of goods some time ago, and everyone who had searched for him turned back before the reached his outpost. The party agreed to look for the unshipped goods and the business partner, and Geoffrey agreed to give them enough money for an airboat and rations up front.
They acquired the services of Gator, a one-eyed airboat operator. On the way to the outpost, the party encountered a giant swamp bear, which Agatha blinded by placing an angry beehive on its head. Trimalchio dispatched it with several revolver shots, breaking the beehive and releasing some of the bees in the process. They spent a day hauling its body out of the water, and with the help of Gator, skinned it. Agatha now wears its preserved head and shoulders as a hood-and-cowl, in true swamp witch fashion. The rest of the journey was uneventful. They passed by an island with a Mosquito Tribe village, but elected to pass it by, for, as Trimalchio said, “I like my blood where it is.”
His lotus-fueled shamanistic senses revealed that an angry spirit was in the vicinity. They gave it a wide berth, and reached the outpost easily, only to find that something had smashed its way through the back wall, and that thousands of geckos swarmed the interior. It also contained a mauled corpse and several crates of golden lotus powder, one of which had been opened and sampled. Trimalchio used some of the powder to speak with the ghost of the mauled man, but when he tried to bind the spirit to an empty chamber of his revolver, the wrathful giant gecko spirit that killed him in the first place took notice and attacked. The party hauled the crates of lotus back to the airboat (luckily, since Gator was starting to leave just as they arrived). The gecko spirit, not well equipped to travel through water, pursued but did not catch them.

Back in Houndport, they sold off the now-putrid swamp bear for sausage meat, along with some of the fur and collected their pay. Barnaby bought himself and Agatha drinks at the Iron Conch and called it a day.

I realized that the party now has a ton of money and nothing to spend it on, so here’s some placed to use your coin in Flowerland.

Homeless characters camp somewhere past the outskirts of Houndport. The Constabulary does not tolerate vagrants sleeping in the streets. When they rest at their camp, they may reroll their HD. They may spend a full day of foraging to find food for 2d6-6 (minimum 0) people, unless they have the Bushcraft skill, in which case it is 1d6 people. There is a 1 in 6 chance per night spent homeless that a character encounters a disease, and must roll Physique in order to not catch it.

Iron Conch Inn characters pay 15 sp/person/week for mediocre food and board. When they rest, they may set one of their HD to 6 and reroll the rest. 

At the Conch Room at the Iron Conch Inn, characters pay 30 sp/person/per week for mediocre room, board, bath, and laundry (which as the party discovered upon returning to Houndport, caked in filth and bear blood, is actually pretty useful when dealing with other human beings)

Grand Willowaithe Hotel residents pay 60 sp/person/week for excellent room, board, laundry, and baths. It is mechanically identical to the Conch Room except that Houndport’s wealthy and powerful will deal with you directly.

The Governor Suite renters pay 100 sp/person/week. It works as normal rooms at the Grand Willowaithe Hotel except that lodgers may set two HD to 6 when they rest there.

A character with the Charm skill can spend a day collecting rumors in the bars at the Iron Conch Inn or the Grand Willowaithe hotel. A day of socializing costs 1d6x10 pieces of silver in food and drink for yourself and others, and yields 1d6 rumors about treasure, jobs, and wilderness locations. 

Those desperate for new weapons or more ammunition can approach Quartermaster Enley, who will sell contraband for outrageous prices:
  • small weapons for 50 sp
  • martial weapons for 100 sp
  • great weapons for 150 sp
  • small ammunition (12 pc) for 10 sp
  • martial ammunition (12 pc) for 20 sp
  • great ammunition for (12 pc) for 30 sp

There are rumors of midnight auctions in the basement of the Grand Willowaithe, though for what the rumormongers don’t know.

Geoffrey will sell golden lotus powder for 20 sp a dose. Addicts need to take at least a dose a day or roll Physique to resist withdrawal. They also need to roll Physique to resist side effects once the dose wears off. 

Flowerland 20 Questions

Alakanthus is a mostly-pre-colonial horrible fantasy New World. However, it is shamelessly anachronisticmodernish technology, like airboats, diesel engines, and radios exist. The important thing is  that it is loud, unreliable, vents smelly exhaust, and could plausibly be found in a shitty riverside fishing camp. The colonizers, from the Empire of (Pernicious) Albion are vaguely Victorian England. They want Alakanthus, they want all of it, and they have the muscle and money to get it. Full control is still a ways away; Houndport provided a toehold on the continent that the Empire is only now beginning to exploit. The native Beast Tribes are mostly subsistence farmers and hunters, and they aren’t passive subjects of invasion. There have been at least two other major empires in Alakanthus, and the Tribes are the only ones left standing.  


Magic is pretty rare. The Empire can’t spare the resources to send many honest-to-goodness magicians (though the Church of the Sovereign Mother maintains some subtle-but-powerful wards around Houndport), and the sorcery of Alakanthus kills or transmutes its users too often for its practitioners to be common. Sun Giant devices are mostly destroyed or locked away in their mouldering complexes. Non-humans other than the Beast Tribes are almost nonexistent. There are a handful of Night Tribe sorcerers not crystallized into monuments or destroyed in whatever catastrophe ended their empire, and a few bunkers still hold fallen Sun Giants, though for what purpose no one knows. 

by marsmettnn tallahassee, distributed under Creative Commons
by Marie Coleman, distributed under Creative Commons

20 Questions by J Rients

What is the deal with my cleric’s religion? Most Alakanthines worship nature and ancestor spirits. Shamans can speak directly to these spirits, as well as perceive their influence when they meddle with human affairs from the spirit world. Powerful and canny shamans form pacts with these minor gods, though these deals can easily go wrong, even if the shaman abides by the terms of the pact. Shamans have another job—purifying or soothing the spirits corrupted or enraged by intruders, sorcerers, or polluters. Clergy of the Church of the Sovereign Mother are big NPC nasties.

Where can we go to buy standard equipment? Morrison Morrison in Houndport runs a store most of the gear you’ll need, but if you want new weapons, armor, or anything unusual, you’ll have to find a smuggler or bribe a quartermaster.

Where can we go to get platemail custom fitted for this monster I just befriended? Samuel is a mechanic with a workshop on the southern edge of Houndport. He doesn’t ask too many questions, but the Interim Governor has it in for him.

Who is the mightiest wizard in the land? The Beast Tribes speak of a terrible Pythoness far to the east. Royal Warlock Jack Helton is the greatest of the settler’s wizards, but he has been on an expedition out in the wilds for the last year, and is not expected to return. There is undoubtedly some Night Tribe horror buried away that could annihilate either with ease, but everyone, Beast Tribe and Houndporter alike, would rather not think about that.

Who is the greatest warrior in the land? The Coyote Prince demonstrated his supremacy as a warrior to the Beast Tribes by felling the League Long Crocodile. However, the Old Worlders favor Lieutenant Charlotte Black, who single-handedly gunned down a Bear bandit gang when the killed the rest of her patrol.

Who is the richest person in the land? Interim Governor Lascelle is the scion of a staggeringly wealthy trading company, but until the Queen selects a Governor Proper, she cannot pursue her business interests freely.

Where can we go to get some magical healing? You mostly can’t. There is a hospital in Houndport that will hasten recovery from serious illness and injury. There is a Bat village a couple days to the south of Houndport with a talented shaman, but the Church of the Sovereign Mother is already sending missionaries to convert or reeducate them.

Where can we go to get cures for the following conditions: poison, disease, curse, level drain, lycanthropy, polymorph, alignment change, death, undeath? Powerful spirits, such as Hungry Grandmother or Son of Rain, can lift curses and cure illnesses, but their shrines are distant and their prices unpalatable. The right sort of Night Tribe sorcery could probably work, but they almost always cause more problems then they solve.

Is there a magic guild my MU belongs to or that I can join in order to get more spells? Sorcerers in numbers greater than one tend to kill each other pretty quickly, so no. Students of the forbidden should seek out Night Tribe monuments if they wish to learn more, though doing so risks annihilation or possession by the monument’s resident/prisoner. Becoming a proper magician would require spending several years in a university in Albion, as well as the acquisition of a Magician’s License.

Where can I find an alchemist, sage or other expert NPC? The Royal Society outpost contains scholars from a variety of fields. If you want services from someone with a more dubious profession, post a classified in the Iron Conch Inn, but be subtle—agents of the Queen stop by from time to time.

Where can I hire mercenaries? The Iron Conch Inn is the place to go. Sellswords and soldiers of fortune look for work there.

Is there any place on the map where swords are illegal, magic is outlawed or any other notable hassles from Johnny Law? Practitioners of Alakanthine sorcery are to be sanctified and incinerated by order of the Sovereign Mother and will be exorcised and ritually drowned by the Beast Tribes. Interim Governor Lascelle has banned the purchase and open carrying of weapons by civilians, but those who already have them can keep them without penalty. The residents of Houndport hate thisthey live in a frontier town surrounded by miles of crocodile-infested swamp, and so there is a healthy black market.

Which way to the nearest tavern? The Iron Conch Inn is for the hoi polloi. Military officer and the wealthy dine and drink on the first floor of the Grand Willowaithe Hotel, which, while not nearly as nice as its name would suggest, is as close to high class as the monied of Houndport can get. 


What monsters are terrorizing the countryside sufficiently that if I kill them I will become famous? Killing a crocodile or python will earn you some serious credit. Sun Giants and Night Tribe sorcerers are rare and extremely dangerous. Members of the Royal Society have been wanting to dissect a panther demon for some time.

Are there any wars brewing I could go fight? Nope, but the Crown is gearing up for a large scale “pacification effort” to create a sister-colony for Houndport.

How about gladiatorial arenas complete with hard-won glory and fabulous cash prizes? There’s a fighting ring held behind the Iron Conch Inn every night. Someone’s been organizing serious gladiator matches out in the swamp ever Tuesday.

Are there any secret societies with sinister agendas I could join and/or fight?Wouldn’t you like to know.

What is there to eat around here? Meat is mostly fish and crow. Crocodile is a delicacy. Planters have had luck with rice, sugar cane, and orange trees, but large farms are rare. Little livestock, since there’s not enough grazing land or grain to feed them.

Any legendary lost treasures I could be looking for? The machines and devices of the Sun Giants, the dangerous monuments and vanishingly rare texts of the Night Tribe, the (hopefully mythical) Azoth Fountains, the uncountable riches of the City of Crocodiles.

Where is the nearest dragon or other monster with Type H treasure? The Beast Tribes say the nearest Sun Giant bunker has got something seriously nasty living in it, but those ruins are also stuffed with some major wealth and tech.

Flowerland Classifieds

Notices posted about Houndport:
A business supplier of mine has gone missing in the swamps to the south. 500 sp for whoever finds him. Ask for Geoffrey at the Iron Conch Inn for details.
Crown missionary needs guards for a week’s journey. Pay is 400 sp each. Ask for Sister Aggorath at the Church of the Sovereign Mother.
Looking for scrap metal. Supposed to be a whole city’s worth a ways to the north. Will pay 100 sp/pound.
BOUNTY: THE CROWN HEREBY OFFERS A BOUNTY OF 100 SP FOR EVERY GOLD EYE BANDIT CAPTURED ALIVE AND 2000 SP FOR THE CAPTURE OR EXECUTION OF THEIR LEADER VISKARION. LAST SEEN IN THE HILLS TO THE WEST. THEY ARE ARMED, DANGEROUS, AND PRACTICE UNSANCTIONED BLACK MAGIC

Entertainers wanted for diplomatic event in one week. Must be able to work with Beast Tribe. 300 sp for evening’s work. MUST WASH. Inquire at Town Hall if interested.

500 sp for information leading to the identification and capture of those responsible for the Crowley Street Murders.

Gigantic specimens wanted. 50 sp per pound of beast, double if it’s alive. Ask for Dr. Farefellow at the Royal Society outpost.

And an image dump:
distributed under Creative Commons by Chauncey Davis

distributed under Creative Commons by Kim Seng

HOUNDPORT TOWN HALL
distributed under Creative Commons by Universal Pops
ELDER GIANT BUNKER ENTRANCE
distributed under Creative Commons by Tim Suess
 GOLDEN LOTUS
Imported from distant Qelong. It lets you see the hidden, but also lets the hidden see you.
distributed under Creative Commons by Jinjian Liang

AMATEUR HOUR IS ANON AND AGAIN

I have been trapped alone in a house with no car and no running buses for like three days so I started rereading Richard G’s old posts, and therefore started thinking about rpgs without levels and low magic settings and colonialism and industry and hexcrawls and Tartary, basically, and I’ve wanted to set a game in Florida for a long time and so I made this.

FLOWERLAND: Pre-colonial horrible fantasy Florida

  • Hummingbird-people hunt giant crocodiles through the radioactive Everglades as schoolbus sized pythons slowly digest murderous robots!
  • Evil(er?) Victorian Henry Flagler digs up weapons of mass destruction from ancient bunkers to defend the insane resort towns his nepotistic underlings are building in the middle of the swamp!
  • Heavily armed holy order of missionaries and petrochemical engineers that hunts down shapeshifting crocodiles and panther demons!
  • Oil rigs awaken ink-blooded sorcerers from their millennial slumber at the bottom of a vast and cursed lagoon! 
  • Well dressed stranger perform strange surgeries on unwary travelers!
  • Soft sand, warm beaches, venomous conchs and landmines from antiquity!
  • more spiders than God can count!
  • THERE ARE MOSQUITOES IN YOUR EYES!
  • THERE ARE MOSQUITOES IN YOUR EARS!
  • THERE ARE MOSQUITOES IN YOUR MOUTH!
    THERE ARE MOSQUITOES EVERYWHERE!
  • And many more?!

DOWNLOAD HERE TODAY

 I WANT TO RUN THIS SOON.

Valuables in Albion

I’m going to be using quite a bit of Dyson’s Delves soon, so I want to alter the treasure schema some, so there is weirder stuff than the traditional pieces of electrum and golden necklaces.

When adventurers in New Londinium stumble on a cache of commodities, roll a d6 to determine its size and quality. The d6 can explode (reroll on a 6) a number of times equal to the party’s average level, the floor of the dungeon it is on, or the level of the monster guarding it, whichever you think is most appropriate. Certain buyers will pay more than the default value, but players have to track them down.

What’s It Worth?

  1. 250 sp 
  2. 500 sp 
  3. 750 sp 
  4. 1,000 sp 
  5. 1,500 sp 
  6. 2,000 sp 

Once you have determined quality, a d6 twice to find out what is actually in the cache.
1. Metallurgy: precious substances used by the smiths and artisans of Albion

  1. Hardened Flame 
  2. Clarified Water 
  3. Rare Earth 
  4. Reified Aether 
  5. Sublimated Darkness 
  6. Immortal Blood 

2. Cosmetics: coveted by the fops and fine ladies of New Londinium

  1. Cream of Shoggoth 
  2. Spawn of Shub-Niggurath ichor 
  3. Spawn of Shub-Niggurath sap 
  4. Imp fat 
  5. Deep One bile 
  6. Refined Protoplasm 

3. Medicaments and Prophylactics: treasured by hypochondriacs and the credulous

  1. Mummia 
  2. Brain mummia 
  3. Transylvanian decoction 
  4. tincture of Dis 
  5. angel tears 
  6. Murderer’s Last Breath 

4. Delicacies and Confections: sought by only by gourmands with jaded palates and strong stomachs

  1. Lotus nectar (black) 
  2. dinosaur steak 
  3. Spawn of Shub-Niggurath fruit 
  4. deactivated pudding (dolm) 
  5. demon flesh 
  6. Deep One liver 

5. Textiles and Adornments: beloved by the tailors of New Londinium’ Silken Avenue 

  1. Jungle Ant Carapace 
  2. Dinosaur Leather 
  3. Angel Feathers 
  4. Lotus Pigment 
  5. Fairy-silk 
  6. Demon Ivory 

6. Liquor and Drugs: proprietors of New Londinium’s salons and opium dens would quite literally kill for a supply of these

  1. Soulwine (damned) 
  2. Angel Sweat 
  3. Lotus Liqueur 
  4. Powdered Shoggoth 
  5. Ichor of Gloriana 
  6. Houndsblood

    Pernicious Albion 2.0 Character Creation

    You are in Albion, where the Romans never left, the pagans never died, and the aristocracy keeps their sterling silver sacrificial daggers in the cupboard next to the fine china. The city of New Londinium, the oldest, grandest, and most horrible city in the world reaches over the horizon far to the west, but you are in Greyshire, a provincial little town known only for the quality of its cheese, the restlessness of its dead, and the large number of barrows, ruins, dungeons, and oubliettes that fill the countryside around it. 

    Dame Aggorath, Chief of the Knights Squamous, has contacted you with a job offer. A recent washout has exposed tunnels beneath Rope Crown Hill, a site of ill repute several miles from town, and several scholars have vanished exploring them. Bring back a report on what is happening there (along with compelling evidence), and you will be generously remunerated.











     +












    Cast the Dice

    When you try something risky or difficult, sum 2d6 and add an attribute based on the action you’re taking. Your success is determined by the total of your dice roll.
    • A 10+ is a complete success.
    • A 7-9 is a partial success and brings about a cost or complication.
    • A 6- is a complete failure. Bad things will happens.
    Step 1: Roll Ability Scores


    Your have six attributes. For each attribute, roll 2d6.
    • On a 6-, the value is 0.
    • On a 7-9, the value is +1.
    • On a 10 or 11, the value is +2.
    •  On a 12, the value is +3.
    1. Strength (Str): Capacity for brute force, physical violence, and melee combat.
    2. Constitution (Con): Ability to withstand pain, discomfort, and physical damage.
    3. Dexterity (Dex): Aptitude for agility, grace, coordination, speed, and dodging blows in combat.
    4. Intelligence (Int): Mental acuity, memory, and ability to learn
    5. Wisdom (Wis): Perception, sanity, foresight, affinity for spirits and gods, and ability to resist the effects of magic.
    6. Charisma (Cha): Attractiveness, force of personality, and ability to be persuasive.
    Step 2: Calculate Hit Dice and HP

    You have HD equal to 1+Con+Half level. When you rest, reroll your HD to determine your maximum HP. If you rest comfortably, set a single HD to 6. If you eat a satisfying meal, set another HD to 6.

    Step 3: Pick a Skills

    Pick one of the following:

    • Burglary: disable locks and traps and pick pockets
    • Bushcraft: hunt, track, identify flora and fauna
    • Linguistics: learn languages
    • Lore: recall esoteric and forbidden knowledge
    • Medicine: revive the fallen and restore the ill
    • Repair: fix and maintain armor, tools, weapons, and devices

    Step 4: Pick a talent

    • Hawkeye: Add your level to ranged weapon damage rolls 
    • English Magic: You start with any 2 1st level spells from the MU or Cleric LotFP lists (though I am only using the general gist of the spell descriptions). You can learn any number of spells, but you must first find them. You can cast any spell you know as much as you like, but magic is dangerous and unpredictable. Rolls generally involve Int.
    • Glamour: You can change your appearance and turn into creatures who height or length is equal to or less than twice your level in feet, but particularly subtle or potent transformations may not succeed. Rolls generally involve Cha.
    • Pact: You have made a deal with one of the great gods, demons, or fairies of Albion. You can call on them to use magic pertaining to one of their domains as much as you like, but the consequences of offending them or failing to control their power is dire. You gain an additional related domain every even level. Rolls generally involve Wis.
    • Prodigy: Every level, you gain an additional skill of your choice.
    • Prowess: Add your level to melee weapon damage rolls.

    Step 5: Pick a bloodline

    • Briton: You are from one of the chieftaincies beyond the grasp of New Londinium’s rulers. Your people made pacts with the spirits of the wild long ago; you can roll Wisdom to speak with animals. 
    • Changeling: You are descended from a true fairy. You cannot lie or break promises directly. Any oaths sworn to you cannot be broken.  
    • Deep One: You are descended from one of the marine monstrosities from far beneath Albion’s seas and lakes. As you are some sort of hybrid between fish and human (the specifics of how this looks is up to you), you can move with equal speed through water and over land, and you can breathe underwater.
    • Nephilim: You are descended from the race of giants born when exiled angels bred with humans. You are 6-8 feet tall. Whenever you roll your Hit Dice, add 6 to the total.
    • New Londoner: Your exposure to the radioactive knowledge-goddess Gloriana has given you a talent for chasing gristly secrets. When you study a fallen enemy, you learn a single fact or secret about their kind. 
    • Roman: The Empire’s rich tradition of poorly conceived sorcerous experiments not only deposited ancient Britain into the middle of Carcosa, but infused all of its citizens with a lingering taint of undeath. You can cast Speak with Dead.
    • Tiefling: You are descended from one of the soldiers that took part in Hell’s semi-successful invasion attempt a century ago. You can create and throw small flames at will. 

    Step 6: Items

    You start with 6 items. You can choose a number of them equal to 1+Cha. The rest are randomly determined. You may do the random rolls before you choose.

    1. Weapons
    1. Hatchet, 1 hand, d6+1 damage
    2. Spear, 2 hands, d6+1 damage, reach range
    3. Great-axe, 2 hands, d6+2 damage
    4. Shortbow, 2 hands, d6 damage, with 10 arrows
    5. Longbow, 2 hands, d6+1 damage, with 5 arrows
    6. Rifle, 2 hands, d6+2 damage, 4 bullets, very loud
    2. Armor

    Armor weighs you down, and you can wear just 1+STR pieces at once. Each reduces damage taken by 1.

    1. Cuirass
    2. Helmet
    3. Greaves
    4. Shield, 1 hand
    5. Bracers
    6. Heavy cloak
    3. Tools
    1. Grappling hook and 10’ rope
    2. Crowbar
    3. Caltrops
    4. 10 foot pole
    5. Weighted net
    6. 50’ rope
    4. Paraphernalia
    1. 1 pound of salt
    2. A book on a random subject
    3. A horseshoe
    4. A bottled soul
    5. A dowsing rod, 1 hand, d6 damage, can detect magic and water
    6. 10 feet of silver wire
    5. Odds and Ends
    1. 1 pound lard
    2. Bag of marbles
    3. Sack with live beehive
    4. Spyglass
    5. Choice cut of meat
    6. Box of matches
    6. Dubious Goods
    1. 1d6 bombs, 3d6 damage
    2. Vial of virulent poison
    3. Flask of fire oil
    4. A glass cutter
    5. Flask of acid
    6. A collapsible knife, 1 hand, d6 damage

    Actions by Agents Unknown


    So Throne is an angel of questionable sanity and reaching ambition, the leader of a desperate host on a radiation-scoured, magic-riddled hell-planet that is partially occupied by the forces of Hell. He says he is embarking on a Project, which will transform Carcosa into Eden and restore the Grigori to the heavens. Others say his Project will turn him into a tinpot godling, while other say it will once and for all wipe out all (un)life on Carcosa, while others say his real Project is even more glorious than what he says it is, while other say there is no project at all, while…
    The main thing is that it is hard to tell who’s good, who’s bad, who’s sane, who’s in the know, and who’s lying. Reinforcing that is this handy random table, which will provide a confusing background to the party’s active interaction with angels, demons, and other factions who may or may not have a stake in the Project’s outcome.

    When the players attract the attention of angels or their enemies, there is a 50% chance of one of the following occurring sometime during a session. If the rolled event seems improbable or impossible, work it in anyway. NPCs and monsters will never acknowledge any conspiracy character or event under any circumstances. Particularly stupid NPCs might seem unsettled in their presence. The conspiracy NPCs will not appear in front of anything truly powerful, like a god or fairy-lord. Conspiracy NPCs  never interact with other NPCs or their environment, except through the party. Depending on their nature, they might show up when rolled even if previously dead or imprisoned.
     1. The Lady in Red

    She tends in to blend in with her environment—shell be dressed as an aristocrat in a high class neighborhood, as a prisoner in dungeons, as a traveler on the road—but her clothes are always red.

    1. There is no Throne. It’s really just Something Else hiding its true nature for its own inscrutable(r) purposes.
    2. You need to listen. The Others will make her do this over and over until you get it right. Await further instructions.
    3. The last person the party talked to is actually an agent of the so-called Grigori. Kill them.
    4. One of The Others’ most dangerous enemies is hunting you. He wears yellow, and he has killed before.
    5. She has broken free from the control of the Others! They are evil and the Grigori are good. You must disregard all of her previous instructions.
    6. no, no, NO. The last time you met her was her evil twin. You must ignore all her previous statements.

    2. The Man in Yellow

    He operates identically to the Lady in Red, but he is always in yellow clothes.
    1. He can hear the Angels. They don’t know he can hear them, be he can. Hear them, that is. They are planning something terrible.
    2. Don’t drink the water. It’s filled with the Angel’s poison. You’ll believe anything they tell you if you drink it.
    3. Always cover up your windows. The Angels like to watch you sleep.
    4. There is a child in black, who draws strange things. They know what’s going on, but that doesn’t mean you can trust them.
    5. There is a terrible Engine deep beneath the capital. If you destroy it, the Angels’ plans will be for naught.
    6. He violently attacks the party, saying he can see the Angels inside them.  

    3. The Child in Black

    Never says anything. Always wears a ragged black coat. Otherwise operates as the Lady in Red does. 

    1. Is standing over a chalk picture of a man and woman, both in suits. There is a stylized eye drawn above each of their heads.
    2. Is standing over a chalk picture of an angel with two faces.  One is angry, while the other is smiling.
    3. Is standing over a chalk picture of a figure seated on a throne. He has no face.
    4. Is standing over a chalk picture of a burning gate with many hands reaching out of it.
    5. Is standing over the following message, written in chalk, “THE RING HAS FOR YEARS BEEN SYMBOLIC OF ALL GYNO EDUCATE AND HYDRATE AND ESCAPE OUR ENFETTERMENT AS THE INDIGO CLOUDS RISE OVER THE ZENITH INTO THE ARCHIPELAGO OF OUR CERTAIN DREAMS AND WE WILL ESCAPE THE BOUNDLESS RIVER OF AZRAELS SACRED JEWELRY*.”
    6. Is standing over the following message, written in chalk, “THIS NEW DAY IN THE PRIMARY AGE OF SUBTERFUGE GENDER WILL BE CONFOUNDED AND SEX WILL NO LONGER BE THE HEGEMONIC SPRING OF LIFE NO LOVE IS THE BLACK DEATH THAT HAS INFECTED US TO OUR VERY CORE WE ONCE NEVER SUCCUMBED TO THE LUSH GRAYNESS OF SLEEP THE ZOAS ARE OUR ONE HOPE*.”

    4. Richard and Eleanor

    They are polite, aristocratic, slightly condescending. They offer you cigarettes with immaculately gloved hands. They are both dressed in fine suits of black silk. Their expressions are impassive, and while they always stand next to each other, they never quite touch. 

    1. “We do soappreciate your work. Will you accept a token of our esteem?” They offer the party a briefcase containing a single random angelic weapon.
    2. “Don’t bother reading that dreadful graffiti. It’s simply hellish.”
    3. “You didn’t hear it from me, but there’s an angel sniffing around. Take care. Wouldn’t want to get caught up in anything compromising, now would we?” An angel of a random Sphere is now pursuing the party as if they had stolen its weapon.
    4. During a fight or confrontation, Richard and Eleanor watch the party through a shared pair of opera glasses, preferably from a great distance or difficult to reach location. They applaud if the party does well.
    5. “Hmm. It seems they’ll let just anyone in here these days. Watch out for the riff raff” As soon as Richard and Eleanor are out of sight, a powerful demon attacks the party.
    6. “How we hate to see you struggle.” Richard and Eleanor hand the party a key. It will open the next locked door they encounter.

    5. The Grafitti

    It will appear on any flat surface. Always dripping red paint.

    1. THRONE IS SHIT
    2. FUK THE GRIGORi
    3. WE WATCHING U BUT WE ARN’T WATCHERS
    4. ANGEL’S WIL KILL U
    5. WE R GOING TO EAT UR BONES
    6. SEE YOU SOON

    6. The Pedestrians

    Random passers-by in crowds. If there are none of those, then adapt the event for humanoid monsters or animals.

    1. Make an elaborate hand-signal while making eye contact with a member of the party
    2. Say “The Watchers are watching” over and over again under their breath.
    3. For a moment, their eyes and mouth burn gold and white.
    4. Lift their hands, revealing wings tattooed onto their palms. They will not be there if you look again.
    5. Steadily staring at the party as they walk past. Their neck will rotate up to 180 degrees to facilitate this.
    6. White feathers tumble from their sleeves.

    Who Art In Spaceships

    Now automated by the generous Logan of Last Grasp Grimoire.

    In Pernicious Albion, the Space Aliens have been replaced by the Grigori, a host of angels exiled from the heavens for reasons unknown, possibly even to them. 
    George Frederick Watts
    They are led by the angel known as Throne, who ate his own name to conceal it from sorcerers. He is trying to find a way to earn back the Grigori’s place in heaven through virtuous acts, but because he is thinking for himself for the first time since Creation and because his brain is slowly being cooked by gamma radiation, the Grigori’s virtue sometimes manifests itself in erratic and/or homicidal ways. However, the Grigori are still angels, and will never allow what they perceive to be harm to befall anyone they perceive to be innocent. 
    alien abduction

    Adventurers sometimes encounter the lost or abandoned weaponry of the Grigori, who do not appreciate thieves. Stats are written for World of Dungeons, but I have included rough conversions for DnD-like games. All angelic weaponry has a range of 300 feet and deals +d6 damage to demons and the undead.

    Former Owner (no angel of the First or Second Sphere has been exiled). More powerful weapons means a more powerful owner, who will go to great lengths to get it back.

    1.       Missing. Roll again on this table to determine damage.
    2.      Angel of the Third Sphere. Device deals  3d6 damage
    3.      Angel of the Fourth Sphere. Device deals 2d6 damage
    4.      Angel of the Fifth Sphere. Device deals 1d6+3 damage
    5.      Angel of the Sixth Sphere. Device deals 1d6+2 damage
    6.      Angel of the Seventh Sphere. Device deals 1d6+1 damage

    Device
    1.       Hierogram, to be embedded in wielder’s palm
    2.      Trumpet, 1 handed
    3.      Crosier, 2 handed
    4.      Icon, human sized
    5.      Giant Armor, 5 Armor/18 AC, piloted 

    6.      Chariot, piloted  

    Power
    1. 1d6 uses
    2. 2d6 uses
    3. 3d6 uses
    4. 4d6 uses
    5. 5d6 uses
    6. 6d6 uses
       

    Adorned with…

    1.       Beautiful Wings
    2.      Exquisite Faces
    3.      Slender Hands
    4.      Watchful Eyes
    5.      Heavenly Verse
    6.      Celestial Diagrams

    Wrought from… (roll twice)

    1.       Gold
    2.      Silver
    3.      Platinum
    4.      Jet
    5.      Ivory
    6.      Alabaster

    Medium. Vanishes after impact

    1.       Radiant Flame
    2.      Brilliant Arrows
    3.      Spears of Lightning
    4.      Invisible Force
    5.      Shining Spheres
    6.      Spirals of Molten Gold

    Trajectory

    1.       Medium plummets from heavens to target (doesn’t work inside, but will ruin the roof)
    2.      Medium launches in a straight line from device
    3.      Medium issues in a cone shape from device
    4.      Medium erupts from target’s orifices
    5.      Medium erupts from ground beneath target (can’t strike high-flying targets)
    6.      Medium forms a circle around user, than lashes outward

    Miraculous Properties

    Each device has a 1 in 6 chance of having one of the following:
    1.       Survivors of this weapon’s attack are branded with a sigil that prevents them from lying
    2.      This weapon can take on the shape and properties of any melee weapon at the will of its wielder
    3.      Wielder can sacrifice this device to bring the recently dead to life, though there are side-effects
    4.      Those slayed by this weapon have a 1 in 6 chance of returning as 1 HP cherubs loyal to the wielder
    5.      Wielder can use this device to summon any angel whose true name they know
    6.      If the wielder defeats or finds the device’s original owner, they can call upon the angel’s domain/cast a single cleric spell once a day.

     

    Bayonetta concept art



    WoD to DnD-ish damage conversion

    WoD damage
    DnD Damage
    D6
    D4
    D6+1
    D6
    D6+2
    D8
    D6+3
    D10
    2d6
    d12

    For the Creation of Decadent Noble Clans

    My Secret Santicore submission, now automated for your convenience.

    House
    1. Adelphus
    2. Cavendish
    3. Cromlech
    4. Crowley
    5. Gladstone
    6. Herpetou
    7. Lascelle
    8. Prestor
    9. Salazar
    10. Savile
    Secret
    1. Bound to a demon by pacts most ancient and foul
    2. Caper and cavort in wicked midnight bacchanals
    3. Prophesied to bring about terrible catastrophe
    4. Ruled by a cabal of vampires
    5. Plan to overturn the rightful ruler of the land
    6. Participating in a conspiracy of centennial length and ecumenical proportions
    7. Desire to resurrect their inhuman clan progenitor
    8. Bloodline bears a terrible disease
    9. Dream every night of mighty conflagration and unending flood
    10. Patriarch is actually a woman
    Source of Power
    1. Ties to Church
    2. Sheer privilege
    3. Scholarly talent
    4. Organized crime
    5. Ties to government
    6. Military might
    7. Sorcery
    8. Popular support
    9. Banking
    10. Business
    Leader
    1. Ruled by grotesque appetites and uncanny predilections
    2. Cheerfully inbred moron
    3. Avuncular, seasoned statesman; loves them some prostitutes
    4. Oscillates between mostly kindly pragmatism and frothing psychopathy
    5. Megalomaniacal genius with childlike sensibilities
    6. Child kept on short leash by manipulative handlers
    7. Seized by Byronic melancholy; addicted to opium; writes terrible poetry
    8. A sorcerer of prodigious talent and boundless ambition
    9. Saintly sense of morals with sinister bearing; is squeaky clean despite everyone’s suspicions
    10. Innumerable, public affairs make for endless rumor-mill grist; loathed by spouse
    Relationship
    1. Longtime allies of…
    2. Leader in love with head of…
    3. Ancient rivals of…
    4. Shadow war with…
    5. Secret treaty with…
    6. Wants a political marriage with…
    7. Seeks to utterly destroy…
    8. Attempting hostile takeover of…
    9. Owes a big favor to…
    10. Petty grudge against…
    Stronghold
    1. Gilt palace riddled with chapels
    2. Decrepit manor surrounded by toiling peasants
    3. Frigid northern castle
    4. Contemporary urban estate
    5. Dour converted abbey
    6. Imposing mountain fortress
    7. Gothic monstrosity out in the forest
    8. Abominably gauche rococo estate
    9. Classical lakeside villa
    10. Sepulcral subterranean complex
    Wealth
    1. Valuable but illiquid holdings
    2. Wealthy, but not for long
    3. Massive reserves, little income
    4. Steady cash flow
    5. Middling wealth, lots of embezzlement
    6. Razor thin margins
    7. Impoverished
    8. Nobody’s sure, exactly
    9. Incalculably wealthy
    10. Make a lot, spend a lot
    Dubious Allies
    1. Elite mercenaries wearing crow’s head helmets
    2. The Beldame, a virtuoso assassin with a thing for needles
    3. The Magus Bashool, a necromancer of questionable loyalties and troubling ethics
    4. Pack of half-starved, semi-trained, and uncannily sapient wolves
    5. Red Madama, an insane butterfly demon
    6. King of Knots, gallows-spirit and malign ghost of a long dead monarch
    7. Rompa, shark-toothed sea giant who has power over ice
    8. Trugulore and Choss, Attorneys-At-Brawl
    9. No-Face Man, can crawl through mirrors and dreams
    10. Unnamed rogue angel; once held power over mercy, now seriously reconsidering