XIII

This is kind of an experiment. Every session there is a 1 in 6 chance of one of these things coming up or being mentioned or whatever. It’s a conspiracy generator. Not the best format, but it was fun to write so whatever.

by Dominic Alves, distributed under CC

I
There is a god, and its name is Thirteen. It is the lord of inversion and the architect of misfortune; its clerics wear yellow and hold power over doppelgangers, oozes, and devils. The Constables hunt its worshipers like animals, but there always seems to be more.

by Jerry Kirkhart, distributed under CC

II
There is a society, and nobody knows its name or its members. Everyone who matters has gone to one of their parties–they only invite thirteen people at a time, and it’s terribly difficult to secure an invitation. Sometimes people don’t come back, but that just makes it all the more exciting, doesn’t it?

III
There is a city where nobody goes, a city of sepulchers, a city by the sea. You can’t find it on a map, and no matter how far you travel, you won’t ever reach it. Some priests say the gods cut it out of this world like a tumor, but if you take a certain route, passing through certain cursed doorways and traversing certain cursed crossroads, you will arrive on one of its thirteen grand avenues, which intersect in the center like a spider’s web or a perverse star. The dead hang by cables from the telephone wires.

IV
There is a man by the side of the road, and he is shouting at you. He speaks of an angel with thirteen wings and a hydra with thirteen heads. He says he will be dead soon, but this is a thing that you all must know.

V
You found a book about a crow with thirteen eyes, scattered across its face like any ugly constellation. It is terrible old and utterly malign: a colossal rival of dragons, a gleeful anthropophage, a bearer of curses. It steals children from their parents, raises them and loves them with all its evil heart. They don’t grow up human.

by Anne-Sophie Leens, distributed under CC

VI
There is a syndicate with thirteen captains. They traffic in drugs, slaves, and precious metals; they are undercutting just about every major player in the city. Nobody can figure out who their suppliers are, or where their shipments are coming from, but everyone wants them gone. The Weaver’s Guild has placed a colossal bounty on the heads of their leaders, but it’s only resulted in a lot of dead assassins.

VII
Somebody murdered a Saint of Honey and Salt, carving a thirteen-pointed star into their chest. The local House has promised blood, and rumor has it they’ve had to purge their ranks of spies, though the details are fuzzy on who they were working for.

VIII
This buried and desecrated temple is the home to thirteen warlocks:

  • Gog and Magog, the hateful witch-children, each of which draws magic from the other
  • Illhammer, who casts spells with a mace fashioned from a devil’s femur
  • The Perfect Child of Man, who wears a yellow hood. The emissary of a god-city exiled from this world
  • Ratbelly, the red eyed waif, bound by her own oaths to the Forbidden Hour, which once sat between midnight and 1 a.m
  • Catbelly: the neurasthenic malefic, carried on a silk palanquin by 5 horned skeletons and empowered by a devil of smoke and blue fire
  • Murderboy: he walks on ceilings and weeps black tar; he was raised by a spider the size of a school bus that still sings him to sleep
  • Toothgirl: a creeping obsessive, built a god of neon tubes and rat bones that tells her who to kill
  • Gurn: she can unhinge her jaw like a snake and spit out almost anything she wants; cursed by her mother to be killed by a weapon of her own making.
  • Mammon: everything he does looks awkward and wrong, like a dog walking on its hind legs or a man running on all fours. A centipede lives in his clothes that teaches him the secrets of secret-eating and memory-killing
  • Nadir: wild haired troglodyte who lives at the bottom of a hole, which moves around when nobody’s looking. Sold her soul to a gravity angel, so she can’t pick herself off the ground.
  • Maculata: jelly-fleshed voyeur with a visible skeleton; holds congress with puddings, oozes, and jellies of all sorts.
  • Maastricht: a wretched old man with metal teeth, his pact with Satan makes him nigh omnipotent; his secret weakness is that he can only move when you’re looking at him

IX
There’s a series of thirteen pamphlets everyone’s reading. They make you remember things you’d forgotten, give you advice that makes you feel smart and capable and stronger, they make you forget your own inadequacy and weakness and stupidity, they make you want to find the other pamphlets, but they’re so hard to find and you can’t figure out where they come from. Everyone says something wonderful happens if you read all thirteen.

I’m tired of writing now. I’ll probably write more and I want to find a d13 for this.

Welcome to the Scholomance

Flowerland Session #2 coming up, but I also told my friend I’d run a Magic Academy Gone Wrong one-shot for her online. Started as “Lord of the Flies set in Hogwarts”, but morphed into this:


Centuries ago, a forgotten mystic founded the Scholomance, a college built to train fledgling witches and sorcerers, lest solitude and caprice drive them to make mischief out of magic. It flourished over the years, attracting the best and most ambitious magi, but its final headmaster, the Wizard Loshe, trafficked with what mortals ought not and invited a spirit of foul knowledge and dark power into his mind. It subjugated his will, seized his body, and began remaking the school in its own wicked image. His former friends and colleagues fled, taking their students with them, and sealed the Scholomance away behind wards and walls and unaging guardians. But all did not escape. You did not escape. An abandoned student of the Scholomance, you are trapped in the castle with a mad wizard, his lieutenants, a few wily faculty, and your own desperate fellows. 

But you have a chance. When the professors left, the Scholomance awakened. The Founder imparted it with a keen intelligence and power over the castle’s servitors and mechanisms. It retains its full power and purpose only in the Tower of Repose, which houses Scholomance’s dormitories, bathrooms, and storerooms. Here, it can shield the remaining students from the predations of Headmaster Loshe and the demon coiled tight around his heart. In other wings, it is weakened, slumbering, or insane.

Character generation is the same as Flowerland, only backgrounds indicate who your parent(s) are, there is no need for a Sorcery or Shamanism skill, and you get equipment by rolling d6 three times on the following table.

All characters begin with 1 white button down shirt, 1 pair of black slacks, 1 black robe, 1 wand (required for magic), and 6 of the following.

You deal d6 damage unarmed, d6+3 damage with a weapon, 2d6 damage with a particularly appropriate weapon (using a hammer against a skeleton, for example). Each piece of armor reduces damage taken by 1, but you can’t stack pieces of the same kind on top of each other (so you can’t wear two helmets at once).

1-1-1: Spell: Summon Salamander
1-1-2: Spell: Summon Sylph
1-1-3: Spell: Summon Undine
1-1-4: Spell: Summon Gnome
1-1-5: Spell: Summon Phantom
1-1-6: Spell: Bind Spirit
1-2-1: Spell: Unlock
1-2-2: Spell: Lock
1-2-3: Spell: Repair
1-2-4: Spell: Sabotage
1-2-5: Spell: Assemble
1-2-6: Spell: Deconstruct
1-3-2: Spell: Diminution
1-3-3: Spell: Beasting
1-3-4: Spell: Glamor
1-3-5: Spell: Hex
1-3-6: Spell: Obfuscate
1-4-1: Spell: Obliviate
1-4-1: Spell: Illuminate
1-4-2: Spell: Ignite
1-4-3: Spell: Flourish
1-4-4: Spell: Gust
1-4-5: Spell: Rain
1-4-6: Spell: Spark
1-5-1: Spell: Darken
1-5-2: Spell: Snuff
1-5-3: Spell: Freeze
1-5-4: Spell: Vacuum
1-5-5: Spell: Fog
1-5-6: Spell: Magnetize
1-6-1: Spell: Push
1-6-2: Spell: Pull
1-6-3: Spell: Ascension
1-6-4: Spell: Gravitation
1-6-5: Spell: Barrier
1-6-6: Spell: Manipulate
2-1-1: Weapon: Pitchfork
2-1-2: Weapon: Shepherd’s crook
2-1-3: Weapon: Scythe
2-1-4: Weapon: Sickle
2-1-5: Weapon: Hatchet
2-1-6: Weapon: Mallet
2-2-1: Weapon: Chef’s knife
2-2-2: Weapon: Cleaver
2-2-3: Weapon: Straight razor
2-2-4: Weapon: Table leg with bent nail
2-2-5: Weapon: Broom (sharpened handle)
2-2-6: Weapon: Cane
2-3-1: Weapon: Fencing foil
2-3-2: Weapon: Oar
2-3-3: Weapon: Bat
2-3-4: Ranged Weapon: Lawn darts (12)
2-3-5: Ranged Weapon: Bow and arrows (12)
2-3-6: Weapon: Anchor
2-4-1: Weapon: Decorative sword
2-4-2: Weapon: Serving fork
2-4-3: Weapon: Brazier
2-4-4: Weapon: Curtain rod
2-4-5: Weapon: Poker
2-4-6: Weapon: Roasting spit
2-5-1: Ranged Weapon: Tomahawk
2-5-2: Ranged Weapon: Boomerang
2-5-3: Ranged Weapon: Blowgun (12 darts)
2-5-4: Ranged Weapon: Blunderbuss
2-5-5: Weapon: katana
2-5-6: Weapon: Military saber
2-6-1: Pack of cigarettes
2-6-2: Pack of Goetia trading cards
2-6-3: Bottle caps (100)
2-6-4: Box of snack cakes
2-6-5: Pornographic chapbook
2-6-6: Hall pass
3-1-1: Armor: Pot with eyeholes
3-1-2: Armor: Mascot head
3-1-3: Armor: Rugby helmet
3-1-4: Armor: Hockey mask
3-1-5: Armor: Antique helm
3-1-6: Armor: Large skull
3-2-1: Armor: Hammered tin breastplate
3-2-2: Armor: Shin guards
3-2-3: Armor: Heavy poncho
3-2-4: Armor: Shoulder pads
3-2-5: Armor: Fencing jacket
3-2-6: Armor: Parka
3-3-1: Armor: Antique gauntlets
3-3-2: Armor: Plywood Shield
3-3-3: Armor: Platter Shield
3-3-4: Armor: Work gloves
3-3-5: Armor: Boxing gloves
3-3-6: Armor: Garbage lid shield
3-4-1: High heels
3-4-2: Red silk robe
3-4-3: Ragged black scarf
3-4-4: Tuxedo
3-4-5: Evening gown
3-4-6: Furs
3-5-1: DIY tattoo kit
3-5-2: DIY piercing kit
3-5-3: Makeup kit
3-5-4: Pomade
3-5-5: Hair dye
3-5-6: Cat ear headband
3-6-1: Switchblade
3-6-2: Brass knuckles
3-6-3: Bag of rocks
3-6-4: Shiv
3-6-5: Bicycle chain
3-6-6: Slingshot
4-1-1: Cat
4-1-2: Dog
4-1-3: Crow
4-1-4: Serpent
4-1-5: Bat
4-1-6: Weasel
4-2-1: Spyglass
4-2-2: Magnifying glass
4-2-3: Rope, 50’
4-2-4: Bear trap
4-2-5: Compact mirror
4-2-6: Rucksack
4-3-1: Straw hat
4-3-2: Heavy cloak
4-3-3: Umbrella
4-3-4: Tent
4-3-5: Sleeping bag
4-3-6: Box of matches
4-4-1: Wound kit
4-4-2: Curse kit
4-4-3: Vermifuge kit
4-4-4: Fever kit
4-4-5: Cough kit
4-4-6: Venom Kit
4-5-1: Phylactery (full)
4-5-2: Phylactery (empty)
4-5-3: Bottled rest
4-5-4: Bottled dream
4-5-5: Silver hoop
4-5-6: Red paint
4-6-1: Homunculus
4-6-2: Dog skeleton
4-6-3: Chalk
4-6-4: Vial of blood
4-6-5: Vial of blessed water
4-6-6: Sticks of incense (6)
5-1-1: Pouch of golden lotus powder
5-1-2: Bottle of laudanum
5-1-3: Bottle of wine
5-1-4: Bottle of fine liquor
5-1-5: Bottle of loathsome liquor
5-1-6: Bottle of cough syrup
5-2-1: Keg of gunpowder
5-2-2: Magnesium flares (3)
5-2-3: Firecrackers (6)
5-2-4: box of matches
5-2-5: flask of kerosene
5-2-6: Candles (12)
5-3-1: String of garlic
5-3-2: Blue glass eye
5-3-3: jar of salt
5-3-4: wooden stakes (24)
5-3-5: Weapon: silver-plated knife
5-3-6: Silver bell
5-4-1: Goggles
5-4-2: Armor: Leather apron
5-4-3: box of glass eyes
5-4-4: Box of pins
5-4-5: Jar of formaldehyde
5-4-6: Mannequin
5-5-1: Atlas of the Scholomance
5-5-2: Location of 1 secret passage
5-5-3: Demonological treatise
5-5-4: Botanical treatise
5-5-5: Bestiary
5-5-6: Necrology
5-6-1: Flute
5-6-2: Violin
5-6-3: Harp
5-6-4: Pound of clay
5-6-5: watercolors
5-6-6: hammer and chisel
6-1-1: compass
6-1-2: pound of lard
6-1-3: sack of marbles
6-1-4: Copper wire, 20’
6-1-5: dark glasses
6-1-6: camera
6-2-1: tin of fish
6-2-2: name of lesser demon
6-2-3: bicycle
6-2-4: roller skates
6-2-5: pot of glue
6-2-6: bolt cutters
6-3-1: manacles
6-3-2: flask of acid
6-3-3: padlock and key
6-3-4: notebook and pen
6-3-5: goldfish in bow
6-3-6: needle and thread
6-4-1: bushel of apples
6-4-2: human skull
6-4-3: diamond ring
6-4-4: pearl necklace
6-4-5: Sublimated Darkness
6-4-6: Hardened Flame
6-5-1: Clarified water
6-5-2: Rare Earth
6-5-3: Reified Aether
6-5-4: Immortal Blood
6-5-5: Chloroplasm
6-5-6: sack of sandwiches
6-6-1: Malodorous cheese
6-6-2: choice cut of meat
6-6-3: Dead chicken
6-6-4: itching powder
6-6-5: stink bomb
6-6-6: whoopee cushion

Some common enemies/creatures/allies/victims:
  • Baglings: monsters of cloth and ivory Wizard Loshe stitches together with magic and spider silk. 
  • The Servants: shadow-fleshed dogmen with tools for hands that maintain the castle at night. In places where the Scholomance is asleep or damaged, they attack or act erratically.
  • Bocklin: goat people that populated a village that was sealed away with the rest of the Scholomance. Loshe likes to tangle cursed thread in their horns to compel their obedience.
  • Sophia’s Eidolons: Sophia, the Prime Warlock of the Summoning School, could not escape the Scholomance in time. She has taken up residence in the Library Wing and defends herself from Loshe and his servants with a combination of summoned servants and the forbidden magic contained in the deepest reaches of the Library. Unfortunately, she is stretched a bit thin, so she doesn’t have enough control over her eidolons to keep them from attacking innocents, too. 
  • Gyges: a vampire and former Headmaster freed from his prison in the Crypts by Wizard Loshe. He is thoroughly evil and has animated most of the interred, but he has no interest in the Scholomance anymore and loathes Loshe for placing him in servitude. 
  • Dame Balustrade and the Inquisition: a group of knights who claim to have entered the Scholomance by means of divine intervention. They hate magic and all its practitioners, and though the seek to kill the Wizard Loshe for his black magic, they wouldn’t mind snagging a few students along the way. 


This draws on: Harry Potter, Seclusium of Orphone, Paolo Greco’s Mysteries and Mystagogues, Scrap Princess’ post post apocalypse 

World of Lamentations

So games with others is on a wicked cool Dark Souls kick, and it got me thinking about the kinds of NPCs I would have in such a game. It also made me want to get around to hacking a less forgiving version, more LotFP-like version of World of Dungeons. I briefly considered calling it World of Princesses, but that’s another game.

Perish is an island-nation-continent that exists in an endless state of darkness. It is also a megadungeon. There is no real civilization, just a handful of scavenging settlements and a half-dozen domains run by slowly dying, half-mad godlings. The fact that the characters are on Perish means that they have, sometime before level 1, screwed up in an extraordinary way. The main things to do on Perish are finding out how to get off or, if you are particularly ambitious, figuring out how it ended up being such a terrible place. The two tasks may not be completely unrelated. 

Denizens of the Land of Perish
Diminished Gods
Centuries ago, something killed the God of the Sun, which plunged nearly all of Perish into perpetual night. Time has consumed many of the details, but some think one, some, or all of the surviving gods were involved. Whoever committed the crime likely knows where the missing Sun God’s soul is, which is necessary to bring light back to the Sun. 

As I imagine this, all of the following details are extremely valuable and difficult to find—this is a sort of megadungeon murder mystery, so facts have to be scarce on the ground for this to work.

  1. Vast, the Verdant Wyrm presides over the Febric Wood. Some say it lured the Sunlit God to the place of his murder with the promise of a gift. Its favored children are the Great Stags and their riders, the Horned Hunters, who prey on the slavering beasts of the Wood.
  2. Ixion, Envoy of the Many Dead rules the Elysian Demimonde. He claims to serve the innumerable infernal powers of the Underworld, and it is rumored that they compelled him to betray the Sunlit God, his greatest and most beloved ally. His greatest servants are the Asphodel Maidens, who wear red in their hair, and the Knights of Gules, who rot inside their armor.
  3. Haeme, Princess of the Splendid Dead holds court in the Manse Macabre. She loathes Ixion and his affinity for shambling masses of restless Dead, but her hatred of the God of the Sun and his searing daylight is legendary. Her most powerful servitors are the Sanguine Coterie, who admit only vampires of the purest of bloodlines , and the Midnight Choir, whose choristers can wound with their song.
  4. Vercingetorix, the Golden Hero reigns from the top of the Tower of Blades. There are those who suspect that only the skill and sword of such a warrior could kill the God of Sunlight, but his Soldiers of Fortunes and Auric Priests believe in nothing but his virtue.
  5. Elagabulus, Lord of Dusk can be found in the chambers of his father’s Solar Palace, where he drafts his plans to reignite the Sun. Surviving histories note that the courier who reported the Sunlit God’s death found the Lord already sitting in his father’s throne. The Crepuscule Wanderers and the Archivists number his most devoted followers 
  6. Martel, Radiant Envoy of the Moon dwells with her servants in the Lunary Gardens.  The cynical note that where the power of the Sun has failed, the Moon hangs steady in the sky, but Perish would be truely lightless her illumination, attenuated as it is. The Knights Nightingale and the Plangent Dreamers attend to her dutifully.

Strange Wanderers
There is a 1 in 6 chance a random wanderer will be waiting for you in a place of safety when you arrive.

  1.  The Scholar of Clabrous is dressed in antiquated finery and wears a crow mask at all times. It rewards with Soul anyone who brings it fresh specimens of the blood, flesh, or bone of any creature, though it favors rare or exotic creatures. No one knows what the Scholar does with these substances, or how it is able to wander as it wishes unharmed.
  2. Newt is a pallid little boy with great dark eyes and sharp pearly teeth who sells rumors, stories, maps, and ciphers, though he insists all his customers buy them sight unseen. He hates the light of the moon.
  3. Charles is a spider the size of a large dog with a man’s face on its thorax. It lives in a place it calls the Eaves, which shares a border with nearly everywhere. For a fee of Soul, it can lead you on a shortcut through the Eaves to almost anywhere you please, though you may not come out the same way you went in.
  4. Starlit Witch Imanta wears veils of silver thread and a red crown. She will summon forth loyal servitors from the space between stars in return for Soul, but these beings require a steady supply of yet more Soul to stay in this world
  5. Sariat the Weaver is wrapped head to toe in pristine white bandages. She will lift curses, purge poisons, mend wounds, and obliterate traumatic memories for a price.
  6. Rosario the Greatsmith bears a hammer of black stone and his forge burns with ancient flame. He will forge Soul into wondrous weapons and armor, but his prices are astronomical.

And here’s how the game is played.

The Primary Rule
When you attempt a task that is difficult or carries grave consequences for failure, roll 2d6+relevant attribute. 

  • On a 10+, you enjoy the fruits of your success. 
  •  On a 7-9, you succeed partially or pay a cost for achieving your goal. 
  • On a 6-, you fail, and bad things happen to you.

Character Advancement
When creatures in Perish are slain, they leave behind Soul equal in value to their level. Soul is required to recover HP—when you receive healing by any means, whether it be natural or magical, you must expend Soul equal to actually regain the HP. It can be used to level up, as well as acquire equipment, spells, servants, and information, though  entities that traffic in Soul are rare and seldom pleasant to deal with.

Gaining a level requires the expenditure of 10*current level Soul. When you gain a level, you gain d6 HP and gain abilities as determined by you class. You may also forgo all other benefits of leveling up to increase an attribute by 1, to a maximum of +1. 

    Character Creation
    The six attributes are Strength, Constitution, Dexterity, Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma. For each attribute, roll 1d6. 

    • On a 6, the attribute is +1
    • On a 2-5, the attribute is 0
    • On a 1, that attribute is -1 

    You begin your misadventure with d6 HP and pick one of the following classes.

    Warrior
    You add your level to damage rolls and start with 6 additional HP

    Thief
    You have skills. When you make a roll to which a skill is applicable, add that skill’s bonus, in addition to the relevant attribute, to the roll. You start with +1 in every skill. When you gain a level, you can increase a single skill’s bonus by 1, to a maximum of +2.

    • Architecture
    • Bushcraft 
    • Climb  
    • Languages 
    • Sleight of Hand 
    • Stealth 
    • Tinker 

    In short, thieves roll 2d6+relevant attribute+relevant skill 

    Magic-User
    You start with a single random spell, selected from a list determined by your college. You can cast any spell you know as much as you like. When you do, describe the exact effect you want the spell to have, and roll 2d6 with no modifiers. 

    • On a 10+, the spell succeeds, as safe as houses 
    • On a 7-9, the magic works somewhat, or it succeeds at a cost, whether it be in HP, Soul, or be some other turn for the worse.
    • On a 6-, something terrible happens.

    When you level up, you can either acquire an additional random spell or gain a +1 bonus to a spell you already know. You can choose this bonus no more than 2 times per spell.

    Sorcerers of the Dark College can learn the following spells. There may be others, waiting to be discovered by the cunning and perspicacious. 

    1. An incantation to extinguish light 
    2. A spell to bestir the Dead 
    3. A charm to commune with beasts 
    4. A conjuration to call forth a weapon 
    5. A glamour to change one’s form 
    6. An invocation to seal a pact

    Seers of the Celestial College can learn the following spells. There are others to be found, if you are prudent and pious.

    1. A spell to illuminate the darkness  
    2. A chant to banish the Dead 
    3. A petition to heal the wounded 
    4. An augury to peer into the past 
    5. A prayer to destroy enchantment 
    6. An orison to glimpse the future 

    Equipment
    You begin with d6 pieces of equipment of your choice from the Lamentation of the Flame Princess Miscellaneous list, in addition to the following:

    You start with a single weapon. It can be melee or ranged, though you begin play with only d6 pieces of ammunition

    • Light weapons require one hand, are easy to hide, and deal d6 damage on a hit
    • Martial weapons require one hand and deal d6+1 damage on a hit 
    • Huge weapons require two hands and deal d6+2 damage on a hit

    You start with a single piece of armor. It can be of any type.

    • Clothing reduces all damage received by 0+Constitution and allows the wearer to move quickly 
    • Light Armor reduces all damage received by 1+Constitution, and the wearer to move at moderate speed.
    • Heavy armor reduces all damage received by 2+Constitution, though the wearer moves slowly, loudly and struggles with activities such as climbing and swimming.