midgard

EDIT: Hvitr and Gildarthe are from Servants of the Cinder Queen, a pretty awesome adventure that will hopefully be released outside of kickstarter soon.

The Midgard Archipelago consists of four main islands, each occupied by a demigoddess. They maintained the natural order of the Archipelago, and in return the people of Midgard didn’t do anything stupid like clear-cutting the forests or hunting animals to extinction. Then the Telluric Technarchy of the dwarves came, placing each island under governorship and sealing the goddesses in engine-temples to siphon their power. This is slowly killing Midgard; every year the days grow hotter, the nights grow colder, and both grow longer, while the crops become less and less plentiful and the islands sink inch by inch into the sea. It will take at least another century before this starts to pose major problems, but the dwarves will have extracted everything of value and left by then.

The Four Great Islands are:

  • bright Alfheim, former domain of Eir, Luminous Fairy of the Heavens, and homeland of the light elves. Lady Grasp, its dwarven governess, refracts the radiance of Eir to create foul radiation that twists the flesh of living things.
  • freezing Kaldhammer, former home of Gildarthe, Demon Fairy of Fire, and homeland of the cambion. Its dwarven governor is Lord Lazuli, who uses the geothermal rage of Gildarthe to fuel his factories and workshops 
  • twilit Nidheim, erstwhile demesne of Vor, Dreaming Fairy of Darkness, and homeland of the dark elves. Its dwarven governess is the Lady of Chalcedony, who taxes the dreams of the living and the souls of the dead by channeling the goddess’ strange emanations.
  • verdant Vangr, sometime domain of Syr, Giant Fairy of Earth, and homeland of the humans. Its dwarven governess is the Corundum Prince, who distills the blood of Syr into powerful elixirs. 

You can pick any class, but unlicensed magic is outlawed in the Archipelago on pain of death. Magic-users have to be subtle if they want to live. Paladins and Clerics can worship a member of the Norse Pantheon or a non-stupid god of their own devising. Warlocks make pacts with one of the four Goddesses (Archfey = Syr, Fiend = Gildarthe, Great Old One = Vor. Eir = Any. You can also choose the Summon Pact, which I will be modifying)

Tribes of the Archipelago
No one will look twice at any of the following races:
Humans
Light Elves
Dark Elves
Cambions
Moss Giants

Strangers to the Archipelago
People may react with fear or surprise when encountering the following races:
Dragonborn
Halflings
Dwarves
The Bufondi

Do not exist
Please don’t pick these. I’ve either made an alternative or they do something annoying. If you really want to play one, we can work something out.
Gnomes
Tiefling
Half-orc
Half-elves
High Elves

Elves

Ability Score Increase: +2 Dexterity
Age: live to ~800 years
Alignment: ???
Size: Medium (4 to 5 feet tall)
Speed: 30
Languages: Common and Elvish
Fairy Ancestors: You have advantage against charm spells and magic can’t put you to sleep

Subrace: Light Elves

Ability Score Increase: +1 Wisdom
Otherworldly: You can attempt to hide when lightly obscured
Fleet: Your movement speed is 40 feet
Hunter-gatherer: You have proficiency in the Survival and Nature skills

Subrace: Dark Elves

Ability Score Increase: +1 Intelligence
Darkvision: Natural darkness does not effect your vision in any way; you can see as easily in a sunny field as a pitch black room.
Childhood Training: You are proficient with your choice of smith’s tools, alchemist’s supplies, or mason’s tools.
Old Artifice: You can cast the Mending cantrip.

Midgardian Rumors

  1. The dwarves guard the goddesses so closely because if one escaped, their devices wouldn’t work on her island anymore.
  2. Syr, the fiercest of the fairies, only fell because the dwarves weakened her with cursed poison. If somebody found a remedy and gave it to her, she could could break free.
  3. The dwarves built the Storm Golem Hvitr to keep the Fire Fairy trapped, but they aren’t bothering with repairs like they used to.
  4. It took twelve of the dwarves’ greatest wizards to bind the Dark Fairy, but six have died since the invasion and the rest are past their prime.
  5. The dwarven Technarch commanded the dragon Fafnir to return to the capital after it defeated the Heaven Fairy, but everyone knows he’ll come back to Midgard if the situation turns against the dwarves.
  6. Legend has it that the old goddess of death hid the legendary ribbon Gleipnir in the bottom of her temple before it sank into the sea.
  7. Lady Grasp of Alfheim has a vault containing the magical cloak Spakri–it refuses to work for one such as she.
  8. the Lady of Chalcedony tried to make a false goddess with the souls she stole, but it escaped and now calls itself the Fairy of All Death
  9. The dwarves have devised a new substance called “gunpowder”and claim it will revolutionize their ability to crush you pathetic rebels.
  10. The dark elf resistance has formed an alliance with their old enemy, the vampires.
  11. The dwarves executed several members of the former Kaldhammer royal family for violating their house arrest.
  12. The dwarves are offering a bounty for any artifacts recovered from the Peripheral Islands.
  13. The dwarves are offering a bounty for any artifacts recovered from people who illegally possess them.
  14. The sea devils stir in their deep trenches, unchecked by the fairies.
  15. Sailors say that the haunted Manse Macabre is once again visible on the cursed Islet of Drear.
  16. The light elves have revived the ancient practice of lycanthropy in hopes of defeating the dwarves.
  17. Missionaries have arrived from the Technarchy, eager to convert the peoples of Midgard to worship of the Creator.
  18. A High Invigilator of the Technarchy has come to Midgard to root out illicit sorcery. He claims to have devised the ultimate magic-destroying technique.
  19. Something wicked hunts on the Isle of No Gods.
  20. The emissaries of The Bufondi are appalled by the dwarves’ policies in Midgard, but cannot act directly without violating their strict neutrality.

One thing in 5e I’m not so hot about is the number of freefloating per-rest abilities. Warlock Invocations have a similar problem–they often interlock oddly with spell slots, and even the cool at-will ones seem easy to forget. Having them be twice as good and twice as rare makes things easier all-round. I’d probably halve the number of invocations gain, rounded up, and let players pick from this list, along with a few others in the book I won’t copy out.
  • Barbarous Name: When someone says your full name, you know roughly how far away they are (give or take 10% of the distance) and in which direction
  • Clever Speech: You can speak and understand Droll, the language of cunning creatures, which include foxes, crocodiles, spiders, crows, ravens, jackals, and cats of any size. 
  • Cryptomancy: When you know a creature’s deepest secret or the true name it calls itself, its saves against your spells have disadvantage
  • Dark Speech: You can speak and understand Lament, the language of lesser undead. You can speak with zombies, skeletons, ghouls, and the like.
  • Fairy Flight: When calculating maximum jump distances and heights, add double your proficiency bonus in feet and treat standing jumps as running jumps
  • Fairy Glide: When you fall, you can slow your speed to 60′ per second as a reaction. While falling in this manner, you can move half your speed horizontally on your turn. You always land on your feet and take no damage from falling. 
  • Psychometry: When you make eye contact with a creature, they must make a Wisdom save vs your spell save DC or you learn their current emotional state and any supernatural allegiances
  • Suspiratio: You can breathe in water as well as air, and you are unaffected by foul odors and poisonous gasses.
  • Witchsmith: You gain proficiency with smith’s tools if you do not have it already. You can create magical weapons, which imposes disadvantage on your proficiency roll. Such weapons deal your choice of fire, cold, radiant, necrotic, lightning, or poison damage and count as magical for purposes of breaching supernatural defenses and harming spiritual beings. Creating this weapons requires acquiring expensive and dangerous metals. 

    Welcome to the Scholomance

    Flowerland Session #2 coming up, but I also told my friend I’d run a Magic Academy Gone Wrong one-shot for her online. Started as “Lord of the Flies set in Hogwarts”, but morphed into this:


    Centuries ago, a forgotten mystic founded the Scholomance, a college built to train fledgling witches and sorcerers, lest solitude and caprice drive them to make mischief out of magic. It flourished over the years, attracting the best and most ambitious magi, but its final headmaster, the Wizard Loshe, trafficked with what mortals ought not and invited a spirit of foul knowledge and dark power into his mind. It subjugated his will, seized his body, and began remaking the school in its own wicked image. His former friends and colleagues fled, taking their students with them, and sealed the Scholomance away behind wards and walls and unaging guardians. But all did not escape. You did not escape. An abandoned student of the Scholomance, you are trapped in the castle with a mad wizard, his lieutenants, a few wily faculty, and your own desperate fellows. 

    But you have a chance. When the professors left, the Scholomance awakened. The Founder imparted it with a keen intelligence and power over the castle’s servitors and mechanisms. It retains its full power and purpose only in the Tower of Repose, which houses Scholomance’s dormitories, bathrooms, and storerooms. Here, it can shield the remaining students from the predations of Headmaster Loshe and the demon coiled tight around his heart. In other wings, it is weakened, slumbering, or insane.

    Character generation is the same as Flowerland, only backgrounds indicate who your parent(s) are, there is no need for a Sorcery or Shamanism skill, and you get equipment by rolling d6 three times on the following table.

    All characters begin with 1 white button down shirt, 1 pair of black slacks, 1 black robe, 1 wand (required for magic), and 6 of the following.

    You deal d6 damage unarmed, d6+3 damage with a weapon, 2d6 damage with a particularly appropriate weapon (using a hammer against a skeleton, for example). Each piece of armor reduces damage taken by 1, but you can’t stack pieces of the same kind on top of each other (so you can’t wear two helmets at once).

    1-1-1: Spell: Summon Salamander
    1-1-2: Spell: Summon Sylph
    1-1-3: Spell: Summon Undine
    1-1-4: Spell: Summon Gnome
    1-1-5: Spell: Summon Phantom
    1-1-6: Spell: Bind Spirit
    1-2-1: Spell: Unlock
    1-2-2: Spell: Lock
    1-2-3: Spell: Repair
    1-2-4: Spell: Sabotage
    1-2-5: Spell: Assemble
    1-2-6: Spell: Deconstruct
    1-3-2: Spell: Diminution
    1-3-3: Spell: Beasting
    1-3-4: Spell: Glamor
    1-3-5: Spell: Hex
    1-3-6: Spell: Obfuscate
    1-4-1: Spell: Obliviate
    1-4-1: Spell: Illuminate
    1-4-2: Spell: Ignite
    1-4-3: Spell: Flourish
    1-4-4: Spell: Gust
    1-4-5: Spell: Rain
    1-4-6: Spell: Spark
    1-5-1: Spell: Darken
    1-5-2: Spell: Snuff
    1-5-3: Spell: Freeze
    1-5-4: Spell: Vacuum
    1-5-5: Spell: Fog
    1-5-6: Spell: Magnetize
    1-6-1: Spell: Push
    1-6-2: Spell: Pull
    1-6-3: Spell: Ascension
    1-6-4: Spell: Gravitation
    1-6-5: Spell: Barrier
    1-6-6: Spell: Manipulate
    2-1-1: Weapon: Pitchfork
    2-1-2: Weapon: Shepherd’s crook
    2-1-3: Weapon: Scythe
    2-1-4: Weapon: Sickle
    2-1-5: Weapon: Hatchet
    2-1-6: Weapon: Mallet
    2-2-1: Weapon: Chef’s knife
    2-2-2: Weapon: Cleaver
    2-2-3: Weapon: Straight razor
    2-2-4: Weapon: Table leg with bent nail
    2-2-5: Weapon: Broom (sharpened handle)
    2-2-6: Weapon: Cane
    2-3-1: Weapon: Fencing foil
    2-3-2: Weapon: Oar
    2-3-3: Weapon: Bat
    2-3-4: Ranged Weapon: Lawn darts (12)
    2-3-5: Ranged Weapon: Bow and arrows (12)
    2-3-6: Weapon: Anchor
    2-4-1: Weapon: Decorative sword
    2-4-2: Weapon: Serving fork
    2-4-3: Weapon: Brazier
    2-4-4: Weapon: Curtain rod
    2-4-5: Weapon: Poker
    2-4-6: Weapon: Roasting spit
    2-5-1: Ranged Weapon: Tomahawk
    2-5-2: Ranged Weapon: Boomerang
    2-5-3: Ranged Weapon: Blowgun (12 darts)
    2-5-4: Ranged Weapon: Blunderbuss
    2-5-5: Weapon: katana
    2-5-6: Weapon: Military saber
    2-6-1: Pack of cigarettes
    2-6-2: Pack of Goetia trading cards
    2-6-3: Bottle caps (100)
    2-6-4: Box of snack cakes
    2-6-5: Pornographic chapbook
    2-6-6: Hall pass
    3-1-1: Armor: Pot with eyeholes
    3-1-2: Armor: Mascot head
    3-1-3: Armor: Rugby helmet
    3-1-4: Armor: Hockey mask
    3-1-5: Armor: Antique helm
    3-1-6: Armor: Large skull
    3-2-1: Armor: Hammered tin breastplate
    3-2-2: Armor: Shin guards
    3-2-3: Armor: Heavy poncho
    3-2-4: Armor: Shoulder pads
    3-2-5: Armor: Fencing jacket
    3-2-6: Armor: Parka
    3-3-1: Armor: Antique gauntlets
    3-3-2: Armor: Plywood Shield
    3-3-3: Armor: Platter Shield
    3-3-4: Armor: Work gloves
    3-3-5: Armor: Boxing gloves
    3-3-6: Armor: Garbage lid shield
    3-4-1: High heels
    3-4-2: Red silk robe
    3-4-3: Ragged black scarf
    3-4-4: Tuxedo
    3-4-5: Evening gown
    3-4-6: Furs
    3-5-1: DIY tattoo kit
    3-5-2: DIY piercing kit
    3-5-3: Makeup kit
    3-5-4: Pomade
    3-5-5: Hair dye
    3-5-6: Cat ear headband
    3-6-1: Switchblade
    3-6-2: Brass knuckles
    3-6-3: Bag of rocks
    3-6-4: Shiv
    3-6-5: Bicycle chain
    3-6-6: Slingshot
    4-1-1: Cat
    4-1-2: Dog
    4-1-3: Crow
    4-1-4: Serpent
    4-1-5: Bat
    4-1-6: Weasel
    4-2-1: Spyglass
    4-2-2: Magnifying glass
    4-2-3: Rope, 50’
    4-2-4: Bear trap
    4-2-5: Compact mirror
    4-2-6: Rucksack
    4-3-1: Straw hat
    4-3-2: Heavy cloak
    4-3-3: Umbrella
    4-3-4: Tent
    4-3-5: Sleeping bag
    4-3-6: Box of matches
    4-4-1: Wound kit
    4-4-2: Curse kit
    4-4-3: Vermifuge kit
    4-4-4: Fever kit
    4-4-5: Cough kit
    4-4-6: Venom Kit
    4-5-1: Phylactery (full)
    4-5-2: Phylactery (empty)
    4-5-3: Bottled rest
    4-5-4: Bottled dream
    4-5-5: Silver hoop
    4-5-6: Red paint
    4-6-1: Homunculus
    4-6-2: Dog skeleton
    4-6-3: Chalk
    4-6-4: Vial of blood
    4-6-5: Vial of blessed water
    4-6-6: Sticks of incense (6)
    5-1-1: Pouch of golden lotus powder
    5-1-2: Bottle of laudanum
    5-1-3: Bottle of wine
    5-1-4: Bottle of fine liquor
    5-1-5: Bottle of loathsome liquor
    5-1-6: Bottle of cough syrup
    5-2-1: Keg of gunpowder
    5-2-2: Magnesium flares (3)
    5-2-3: Firecrackers (6)
    5-2-4: box of matches
    5-2-5: flask of kerosene
    5-2-6: Candles (12)
    5-3-1: String of garlic
    5-3-2: Blue glass eye
    5-3-3: jar of salt
    5-3-4: wooden stakes (24)
    5-3-5: Weapon: silver-plated knife
    5-3-6: Silver bell
    5-4-1: Goggles
    5-4-2: Armor: Leather apron
    5-4-3: box of glass eyes
    5-4-4: Box of pins
    5-4-5: Jar of formaldehyde
    5-4-6: Mannequin
    5-5-1: Atlas of the Scholomance
    5-5-2: Location of 1 secret passage
    5-5-3: Demonological treatise
    5-5-4: Botanical treatise
    5-5-5: Bestiary
    5-5-6: Necrology
    5-6-1: Flute
    5-6-2: Violin
    5-6-3: Harp
    5-6-4: Pound of clay
    5-6-5: watercolors
    5-6-6: hammer and chisel
    6-1-1: compass
    6-1-2: pound of lard
    6-1-3: sack of marbles
    6-1-4: Copper wire, 20’
    6-1-5: dark glasses
    6-1-6: camera
    6-2-1: tin of fish
    6-2-2: name of lesser demon
    6-2-3: bicycle
    6-2-4: roller skates
    6-2-5: pot of glue
    6-2-6: bolt cutters
    6-3-1: manacles
    6-3-2: flask of acid
    6-3-3: padlock and key
    6-3-4: notebook and pen
    6-3-5: goldfish in bow
    6-3-6: needle and thread
    6-4-1: bushel of apples
    6-4-2: human skull
    6-4-3: diamond ring
    6-4-4: pearl necklace
    6-4-5: Sublimated Darkness
    6-4-6: Hardened Flame
    6-5-1: Clarified water
    6-5-2: Rare Earth
    6-5-3: Reified Aether
    6-5-4: Immortal Blood
    6-5-5: Chloroplasm
    6-5-6: sack of sandwiches
    6-6-1: Malodorous cheese
    6-6-2: choice cut of meat
    6-6-3: Dead chicken
    6-6-4: itching powder
    6-6-5: stink bomb
    6-6-6: whoopee cushion

    Some common enemies/creatures/allies/victims:
    • Baglings: monsters of cloth and ivory Wizard Loshe stitches together with magic and spider silk. 
    • The Servants: shadow-fleshed dogmen with tools for hands that maintain the castle at night. In places where the Scholomance is asleep or damaged, they attack or act erratically.
    • Bocklin: goat people that populated a village that was sealed away with the rest of the Scholomance. Loshe likes to tangle cursed thread in their horns to compel their obedience.
    • Sophia’s Eidolons: Sophia, the Prime Warlock of the Summoning School, could not escape the Scholomance in time. She has taken up residence in the Library Wing and defends herself from Loshe and his servants with a combination of summoned servants and the forbidden magic contained in the deepest reaches of the Library. Unfortunately, she is stretched a bit thin, so she doesn’t have enough control over her eidolons to keep them from attacking innocents, too. 
    • Gyges: a vampire and former Headmaster freed from his prison in the Crypts by Wizard Loshe. He is thoroughly evil and has animated most of the interred, but he has no interest in the Scholomance anymore and loathes Loshe for placing him in servitude. 
    • Dame Balustrade and the Inquisition: a group of knights who claim to have entered the Scholomance by means of divine intervention. They hate magic and all its practitioners, and though the seek to kill the Wizard Loshe for his black magic, they wouldn’t mind snagging a few students along the way. 


    This draws on: Harry Potter, Seclusium of Orphone, Paolo Greco’s Mysteries and Mystagogues, Scrap Princess’ post post apocalypse 

    Flowerland 20 Questions

    Alakanthus is a mostly-pre-colonial horrible fantasy New World. However, it is shamelessly anachronisticmodernish technology, like airboats, diesel engines, and radios exist. The important thing is  that it is loud, unreliable, vents smelly exhaust, and could plausibly be found in a shitty riverside fishing camp. The colonizers, from the Empire of (Pernicious) Albion are vaguely Victorian England. They want Alakanthus, they want all of it, and they have the muscle and money to get it. Full control is still a ways away; Houndport provided a toehold on the continent that the Empire is only now beginning to exploit. The native Beast Tribes are mostly subsistence farmers and hunters, and they aren’t passive subjects of invasion. There have been at least two other major empires in Alakanthus, and the Tribes are the only ones left standing.  


    Magic is pretty rare. The Empire can’t spare the resources to send many honest-to-goodness magicians (though the Church of the Sovereign Mother maintains some subtle-but-powerful wards around Houndport), and the sorcery of Alakanthus kills or transmutes its users too often for its practitioners to be common. Sun Giant devices are mostly destroyed or locked away in their mouldering complexes. Non-humans other than the Beast Tribes are almost nonexistent. There are a handful of Night Tribe sorcerers not crystallized into monuments or destroyed in whatever catastrophe ended their empire, and a few bunkers still hold fallen Sun Giants, though for what purpose no one knows. 

    by marsmettnn tallahassee, distributed under Creative Commons
    by Marie Coleman, distributed under Creative Commons

    20 Questions by J Rients

    What is the deal with my cleric’s religion? Most Alakanthines worship nature and ancestor spirits. Shamans can speak directly to these spirits, as well as perceive their influence when they meddle with human affairs from the spirit world. Powerful and canny shamans form pacts with these minor gods, though these deals can easily go wrong, even if the shaman abides by the terms of the pact. Shamans have another job—purifying or soothing the spirits corrupted or enraged by intruders, sorcerers, or polluters. Clergy of the Church of the Sovereign Mother are big NPC nasties.

    Where can we go to buy standard equipment? Morrison Morrison in Houndport runs a store most of the gear you’ll need, but if you want new weapons, armor, or anything unusual, you’ll have to find a smuggler or bribe a quartermaster.

    Where can we go to get platemail custom fitted for this monster I just befriended? Samuel is a mechanic with a workshop on the southern edge of Houndport. He doesn’t ask too many questions, but the Interim Governor has it in for him.

    Who is the mightiest wizard in the land? The Beast Tribes speak of a terrible Pythoness far to the east. Royal Warlock Jack Helton is the greatest of the settler’s wizards, but he has been on an expedition out in the wilds for the last year, and is not expected to return. There is undoubtedly some Night Tribe horror buried away that could annihilate either with ease, but everyone, Beast Tribe and Houndporter alike, would rather not think about that.

    Who is the greatest warrior in the land? The Coyote Prince demonstrated his supremacy as a warrior to the Beast Tribes by felling the League Long Crocodile. However, the Old Worlders favor Lieutenant Charlotte Black, who single-handedly gunned down a Bear bandit gang when the killed the rest of her patrol.

    Who is the richest person in the land? Interim Governor Lascelle is the scion of a staggeringly wealthy trading company, but until the Queen selects a Governor Proper, she cannot pursue her business interests freely.

    Where can we go to get some magical healing? You mostly can’t. There is a hospital in Houndport that will hasten recovery from serious illness and injury. There is a Bat village a couple days to the south of Houndport with a talented shaman, but the Church of the Sovereign Mother is already sending missionaries to convert or reeducate them.

    Where can we go to get cures for the following conditions: poison, disease, curse, level drain, lycanthropy, polymorph, alignment change, death, undeath? Powerful spirits, such as Hungry Grandmother or Son of Rain, can lift curses and cure illnesses, but their shrines are distant and their prices unpalatable. The right sort of Night Tribe sorcery could probably work, but they almost always cause more problems then they solve.

    Is there a magic guild my MU belongs to or that I can join in order to get more spells? Sorcerers in numbers greater than one tend to kill each other pretty quickly, so no. Students of the forbidden should seek out Night Tribe monuments if they wish to learn more, though doing so risks annihilation or possession by the monument’s resident/prisoner. Becoming a proper magician would require spending several years in a university in Albion, as well as the acquisition of a Magician’s License.

    Where can I find an alchemist, sage or other expert NPC? The Royal Society outpost contains scholars from a variety of fields. If you want services from someone with a more dubious profession, post a classified in the Iron Conch Inn, but be subtle—agents of the Queen stop by from time to time.

    Where can I hire mercenaries? The Iron Conch Inn is the place to go. Sellswords and soldiers of fortune look for work there.

    Is there any place on the map where swords are illegal, magic is outlawed or any other notable hassles from Johnny Law? Practitioners of Alakanthine sorcery are to be sanctified and incinerated by order of the Sovereign Mother and will be exorcised and ritually drowned by the Beast Tribes. Interim Governor Lascelle has banned the purchase and open carrying of weapons by civilians, but those who already have them can keep them without penalty. The residents of Houndport hate thisthey live in a frontier town surrounded by miles of crocodile-infested swamp, and so there is a healthy black market.

    Which way to the nearest tavern? The Iron Conch Inn is for the hoi polloi. Military officer and the wealthy dine and drink on the first floor of the Grand Willowaithe Hotel, which, while not nearly as nice as its name would suggest, is as close to high class as the monied of Houndport can get. 


    What monsters are terrorizing the countryside sufficiently that if I kill them I will become famous? Killing a crocodile or python will earn you some serious credit. Sun Giants and Night Tribe sorcerers are rare and extremely dangerous. Members of the Royal Society have been wanting to dissect a panther demon for some time.

    Are there any wars brewing I could go fight? Nope, but the Crown is gearing up for a large scale “pacification effort” to create a sister-colony for Houndport.

    How about gladiatorial arenas complete with hard-won glory and fabulous cash prizes? There’s a fighting ring held behind the Iron Conch Inn every night. Someone’s been organizing serious gladiator matches out in the swamp ever Tuesday.

    Are there any secret societies with sinister agendas I could join and/or fight?Wouldn’t you like to know.

    What is there to eat around here? Meat is mostly fish and crow. Crocodile is a delicacy. Planters have had luck with rice, sugar cane, and orange trees, but large farms are rare. Little livestock, since there’s not enough grazing land or grain to feed them.

    Any legendary lost treasures I could be looking for? The machines and devices of the Sun Giants, the dangerous monuments and vanishingly rare texts of the Night Tribe, the (hopefully mythical) Azoth Fountains, the uncountable riches of the City of Crocodiles.

    Where is the nearest dragon or other monster with Type H treasure? The Beast Tribes say the nearest Sun Giant bunker has got something seriously nasty living in it, but those ruins are also stuffed with some major wealth and tech.

    Flowerland Classifieds

    Notices posted about Houndport:
    A business supplier of mine has gone missing in the swamps to the south. 500 sp for whoever finds him. Ask for Geoffrey at the Iron Conch Inn for details.
    Crown missionary needs guards for a week’s journey. Pay is 400 sp each. Ask for Sister Aggorath at the Church of the Sovereign Mother.
    Looking for scrap metal. Supposed to be a whole city’s worth a ways to the north. Will pay 100 sp/pound.
    BOUNTY: THE CROWN HEREBY OFFERS A BOUNTY OF 100 SP FOR EVERY GOLD EYE BANDIT CAPTURED ALIVE AND 2000 SP FOR THE CAPTURE OR EXECUTION OF THEIR LEADER VISKARION. LAST SEEN IN THE HILLS TO THE WEST. THEY ARE ARMED, DANGEROUS, AND PRACTICE UNSANCTIONED BLACK MAGIC

    Entertainers wanted for diplomatic event in one week. Must be able to work with Beast Tribe. 300 sp for evening’s work. MUST WASH. Inquire at Town Hall if interested.

    500 sp for information leading to the identification and capture of those responsible for the Crowley Street Murders.

    Gigantic specimens wanted. 50 sp per pound of beast, double if it’s alive. Ask for Dr. Farefellow at the Royal Society outpost.

    And an image dump:
    distributed under Creative Commons by Chauncey Davis

    distributed under Creative Commons by Kim Seng

    HOUNDPORT TOWN HALL
    distributed under Creative Commons by Universal Pops
    ELDER GIANT BUNKER ENTRANCE
    distributed under Creative Commons by Tim Suess
     GOLDEN LOTUS
    Imported from distant Qelong. It lets you see the hidden, but also lets the hidden see you.
    distributed under Creative Commons by Jinjian Liang

    AMATEUR HOUR IS ANON AND AGAIN

    I have been trapped alone in a house with no car and no running buses for like three days so I started rereading Richard G’s old posts, and therefore started thinking about rpgs without levels and low magic settings and colonialism and industry and hexcrawls and Tartary, basically, and I’ve wanted to set a game in Florida for a long time and so I made this.

    FLOWERLAND: Pre-colonial horrible fantasy Florida

    • Hummingbird-people hunt giant crocodiles through the radioactive Everglades as schoolbus sized pythons slowly digest murderous robots!
    • Evil(er?) Victorian Henry Flagler digs up weapons of mass destruction from ancient bunkers to defend the insane resort towns his nepotistic underlings are building in the middle of the swamp!
    • Heavily armed holy order of missionaries and petrochemical engineers that hunts down shapeshifting crocodiles and panther demons!
    • Oil rigs awaken ink-blooded sorcerers from their millennial slumber at the bottom of a vast and cursed lagoon! 
    • Well dressed stranger perform strange surgeries on unwary travelers!
    • Soft sand, warm beaches, venomous conchs and landmines from antiquity!
    • more spiders than God can count!
    • THERE ARE MOSQUITOES IN YOUR EYES!
    • THERE ARE MOSQUITOES IN YOUR EARS!
    • THERE ARE MOSQUITOES IN YOUR MOUTH!
      THERE ARE MOSQUITOES EVERYWHERE!
    • And many more?!

    DOWNLOAD HERE TODAY

     I WANT TO RUN THIS SOON.

    World of Lamentations

    So games with others is on a wicked cool Dark Souls kick, and it got me thinking about the kinds of NPCs I would have in such a game. It also made me want to get around to hacking a less forgiving version, more LotFP-like version of World of Dungeons. I briefly considered calling it World of Princesses, but that’s another game.

    Perish is an island-nation-continent that exists in an endless state of darkness. It is also a megadungeon. There is no real civilization, just a handful of scavenging settlements and a half-dozen domains run by slowly dying, half-mad godlings. The fact that the characters are on Perish means that they have, sometime before level 1, screwed up in an extraordinary way. The main things to do on Perish are finding out how to get off or, if you are particularly ambitious, figuring out how it ended up being such a terrible place. The two tasks may not be completely unrelated. 

    Denizens of the Land of Perish
    Diminished Gods
    Centuries ago, something killed the God of the Sun, which plunged nearly all of Perish into perpetual night. Time has consumed many of the details, but some think one, some, or all of the surviving gods were involved. Whoever committed the crime likely knows where the missing Sun God’s soul is, which is necessary to bring light back to the Sun. 

    As I imagine this, all of the following details are extremely valuable and difficult to find—this is a sort of megadungeon murder mystery, so facts have to be scarce on the ground for this to work.

    1. Vast, the Verdant Wyrm presides over the Febric Wood. Some say it lured the Sunlit God to the place of his murder with the promise of a gift. Its favored children are the Great Stags and their riders, the Horned Hunters, who prey on the slavering beasts of the Wood.
    2. Ixion, Envoy of the Many Dead rules the Elysian Demimonde. He claims to serve the innumerable infernal powers of the Underworld, and it is rumored that they compelled him to betray the Sunlit God, his greatest and most beloved ally. His greatest servants are the Asphodel Maidens, who wear red in their hair, and the Knights of Gules, who rot inside their armor.
    3. Haeme, Princess of the Splendid Dead holds court in the Manse Macabre. She loathes Ixion and his affinity for shambling masses of restless Dead, but her hatred of the God of the Sun and his searing daylight is legendary. Her most powerful servitors are the Sanguine Coterie, who admit only vampires of the purest of bloodlines , and the Midnight Choir, whose choristers can wound with their song.
    4. Vercingetorix, the Golden Hero reigns from the top of the Tower of Blades. There are those who suspect that only the skill and sword of such a warrior could kill the God of Sunlight, but his Soldiers of Fortunes and Auric Priests believe in nothing but his virtue.
    5. Elagabulus, Lord of Dusk can be found in the chambers of his father’s Solar Palace, where he drafts his plans to reignite the Sun. Surviving histories note that the courier who reported the Sunlit God’s death found the Lord already sitting in his father’s throne. The Crepuscule Wanderers and the Archivists number his most devoted followers 
    6. Martel, Radiant Envoy of the Moon dwells with her servants in the Lunary Gardens.  The cynical note that where the power of the Sun has failed, the Moon hangs steady in the sky, but Perish would be truely lightless her illumination, attenuated as it is. The Knights Nightingale and the Plangent Dreamers attend to her dutifully.

    Strange Wanderers
    There is a 1 in 6 chance a random wanderer will be waiting for you in a place of safety when you arrive.

    1.  The Scholar of Clabrous is dressed in antiquated finery and wears a crow mask at all times. It rewards with Soul anyone who brings it fresh specimens of the blood, flesh, or bone of any creature, though it favors rare or exotic creatures. No one knows what the Scholar does with these substances, or how it is able to wander as it wishes unharmed.
    2. Newt is a pallid little boy with great dark eyes and sharp pearly teeth who sells rumors, stories, maps, and ciphers, though he insists all his customers buy them sight unseen. He hates the light of the moon.
    3. Charles is a spider the size of a large dog with a man’s face on its thorax. It lives in a place it calls the Eaves, which shares a border with nearly everywhere. For a fee of Soul, it can lead you on a shortcut through the Eaves to almost anywhere you please, though you may not come out the same way you went in.
    4. Starlit Witch Imanta wears veils of silver thread and a red crown. She will summon forth loyal servitors from the space between stars in return for Soul, but these beings require a steady supply of yet more Soul to stay in this world
    5. Sariat the Weaver is wrapped head to toe in pristine white bandages. She will lift curses, purge poisons, mend wounds, and obliterate traumatic memories for a price.
    6. Rosario the Greatsmith bears a hammer of black stone and his forge burns with ancient flame. He will forge Soul into wondrous weapons and armor, but his prices are astronomical.

    And here’s how the game is played.

    The Primary Rule
    When you attempt a task that is difficult or carries grave consequences for failure, roll 2d6+relevant attribute. 

    • On a 10+, you enjoy the fruits of your success. 
    •  On a 7-9, you succeed partially or pay a cost for achieving your goal. 
    • On a 6-, you fail, and bad things happen to you.

    Character Advancement
    When creatures in Perish are slain, they leave behind Soul equal in value to their level. Soul is required to recover HP—when you receive healing by any means, whether it be natural or magical, you must expend Soul equal to actually regain the HP. It can be used to level up, as well as acquire equipment, spells, servants, and information, though  entities that traffic in Soul are rare and seldom pleasant to deal with.

    Gaining a level requires the expenditure of 10*current level Soul. When you gain a level, you gain d6 HP and gain abilities as determined by you class. You may also forgo all other benefits of leveling up to increase an attribute by 1, to a maximum of +1. 

      Character Creation
      The six attributes are Strength, Constitution, Dexterity, Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma. For each attribute, roll 1d6. 

      • On a 6, the attribute is +1
      • On a 2-5, the attribute is 0
      • On a 1, that attribute is -1 

      You begin your misadventure with d6 HP and pick one of the following classes.

      Warrior
      You add your level to damage rolls and start with 6 additional HP

      Thief
      You have skills. When you make a roll to which a skill is applicable, add that skill’s bonus, in addition to the relevant attribute, to the roll. You start with +1 in every skill. When you gain a level, you can increase a single skill’s bonus by 1, to a maximum of +2.

      • Architecture
      • Bushcraft 
      • Climb  
      • Languages 
      • Sleight of Hand 
      • Stealth 
      • Tinker 

      In short, thieves roll 2d6+relevant attribute+relevant skill 

      Magic-User
      You start with a single random spell, selected from a list determined by your college. You can cast any spell you know as much as you like. When you do, describe the exact effect you want the spell to have, and roll 2d6 with no modifiers. 

      • On a 10+, the spell succeeds, as safe as houses 
      • On a 7-9, the magic works somewhat, or it succeeds at a cost, whether it be in HP, Soul, or be some other turn for the worse.
      • On a 6-, something terrible happens.

      When you level up, you can either acquire an additional random spell or gain a +1 bonus to a spell you already know. You can choose this bonus no more than 2 times per spell.

      Sorcerers of the Dark College can learn the following spells. There may be others, waiting to be discovered by the cunning and perspicacious. 

      1. An incantation to extinguish light 
      2. A spell to bestir the Dead 
      3. A charm to commune with beasts 
      4. A conjuration to call forth a weapon 
      5. A glamour to change one’s form 
      6. An invocation to seal a pact

      Seers of the Celestial College can learn the following spells. There are others to be found, if you are prudent and pious.

      1. A spell to illuminate the darkness  
      2. A chant to banish the Dead 
      3. A petition to heal the wounded 
      4. An augury to peer into the past 
      5. A prayer to destroy enchantment 
      6. An orison to glimpse the future 

      Equipment
      You begin with d6 pieces of equipment of your choice from the Lamentation of the Flame Princess Miscellaneous list, in addition to the following:

      You start with a single weapon. It can be melee or ranged, though you begin play with only d6 pieces of ammunition

      • Light weapons require one hand, are easy to hide, and deal d6 damage on a hit
      • Martial weapons require one hand and deal d6+1 damage on a hit 
      • Huge weapons require two hands and deal d6+2 damage on a hit

      You start with a single piece of armor. It can be of any type.

      • Clothing reduces all damage received by 0+Constitution and allows the wearer to move quickly 
      • Light Armor reduces all damage received by 1+Constitution, and the wearer to move at moderate speed.
      • Heavy armor reduces all damage received by 2+Constitution, though the wearer moves slowly, loudly and struggles with activities such as climbing and swimming.

      Post Pop Apocalypse


      DnD requires give and take between what the players want and what the DM wants, and so there are some ideas I have that will probably never see the table, just because my players aren’t interested and I don’t have the confidence to pull it off if they were. This is one of them.
      Pop Tartary* tastes like bubblegum and isopropyl alcohol.
      Pop Tartary looks like Divine:
      And sounds like these:
       
       
      Pop Tartary Americana is: ruined future, nuclear science and black magic, leather vests, platform shoes, pop star prophets, glitter in the streets and blood in the water, go go boots, sweat sheen, garbage witches, strange frequencies and nightmare channels, sentient music videos, compulsory reality TV, weak reality, false eyelashes, record producer liches, Lady Gaga has a cult but Azealia Banks has an army, nasty cute, the devil wears Birkenstocks, occult street drugs, glass jewelry, Elvis impersonator priest/esses, Our Lady of Wigs, neon samurai, the Electric Saint, the Rocket Messiah, vinyl miniskirt is 18 AC, syringe demons 
      Classes:
      Noomancers tap weird subliminal Jungian frequencies to produce Magic-User spells; rely on radios and cell phones to work their art
      Pop Mediums create servants from the psychic leftovers of lost fame
      Gleaming Divas/Shining Adonises glammer their enemies with preternaturally good looks and eldritch voices
      Neon Samurai fortify their martial expertise with the power of the electromagnetic spectrum
      Henshin have turned sad fantasy into violent reality by actually gaining superpowers when they don costumes

      Who’s Who of Pop Tartary:

      Johnny Deluxe is the oldest vampire in Las Vegas
      Marie Laveau is still alive and more sorcerous than ever
      His Royal Majesty, The President of the United States of America is the iron-fisted monarch of the world’s greatest democracy
      Adam is a superintelligent AI from Silicon Valley that has flourished since the end of the world
      Monsters
      Uranium Elementals, glowing nightmares born in the aftermath of the Incident
      Discoheads have disco balls for heads and flail about with needle sharp claws
      The Trash Dragon was born from a landfills and terrorizes the Southwest with its fallout breath
      Big Crocadilly rules the luminously green swamps of Florida
      Static demons crawl out of televisions tuned to the wrong sorts of channels
      Paparazzi avoid direct conflicts, but love to snap pictures of you in compromising positions. Wagers of social warfare. 
      Inspiration 
      Blueprints of the Afterlife, Persona, Scissor Sisters, Diplo, Simon Green’s Nightside series (thoroughly mediocre!)
      *by this I mean it is an anachronistic post-apocalyptic science fantasy setting like Richard’s Tartary and Jason K’s American Tartary, not that it is set in Asia